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China Elevator Stories
I did not get a hearing in the child custody trial (an AMWF divorce experience)
My appeal in the child custody trial has been declined, where I sought to regain access to my Austrian-Chinese children who are living in China at an unknown address.
09/06/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
The way I remember Austria is as a society with a relatively small gender gap. While inequality existed, it didn’t seem too severe. At least, that’s how I remember it.
In recent years, however, I have come to see Austria as a society that has become deeply patriarchal.
When discussing this with other women, many share similar experiences. Similar trends are evident in Germany, where female politicians report being devalued, shouted at, and treated disrespectfully by male colleagues more frequently than in the past. I have noticed the same trend within Austria’s general population.
What does this mean for women in court? It means we often face patriarchal, sexist, or even misogynistic judges—both male and female—as well as similar treatment from lawyers and institutions like the Vienna Child Protective Service.
A clear example is my former friend, who became my ex-husband’s lawyer during the divorce. He attempted to coerce me into accepting an unfair settlement that would have permanently deprived me of the opportunity to parent my own children.
He painted me as a bad woman, an evil person, rather than the person I truly am. By then, he had already been influenced by my Chinese ex-husband, but his own sexist views likely made it easy for him to believe such a narrative. While my ex-husband may have manipulated him, I firmly believe individuals are responsible for their actions. As an adult, my former friend could have chosen neutrality instead of turning against me.
I come from Upper Austria, as does my ex-husband’s lawyer. We met in Vienna while studying Sinology. He is a member of the Austrian Freedom Party, a group known for holding outdated views on gender roles. I have observed that some of his beliefs align with the idea that women are inherently inferior to men, both in intelligence and in rights.
In my experience, certain members of the Austrian Freedom Party are so racist they would rather see Austrian-Chinese children remain in China than “contaminate” Austria’s population with mixed-race children. This echoes ideologies from history, such as Hitler’s belief in the superiority of Aryans.
No hearing was ever scheduled during the child custody case. To clarify, my ex-husband’s lawyer has not been directly involved in the custody case beyond forwarding court documents to him. However, during the divorce trial, he crossed boundaries by attempting to manipulate others. In my opinion, my divorce and custody trials should have been none of his business. He overstepped a line that should never have been crossed.
Throughout both stages of the custody trial, no hearing was set, which I believe constitutes a severe violation of my right to a fair trial, among other rights. The appeal for re-hearing has also been denied. Court orders were issued without either my ex-husband or me appearing in court, which I believe was a deliberate move to ensure I would not be granted the right to parent my children.
I have been judged harshly for my ex-husband’s actions. Imagine this: someone steals your children, and you are the one being punished for it!
As a Western woman married to a Chinese man, this is an incredibly bitter experience. It’s one thing to face the cultural expectation of handing your children over to your Chinese mother-in-law to raise, but it’s entirely different when the courts support your ex-husband and his family in taking your children away from you.
I am not the only woman in Austria to face institutional violence. Women who resist abuse are often painted as unstable and unfit to parent. Courts may even claim that children don’t need their mothers. In the worst cases, the courts punish mothers trying to protect their children from abuse by stripping them of their parental rights.
This happens even when the mother has been a good parent and cared well for her children. And just like that—poof! My children are gone. Thank you, dear judges!
Are you living in a patriarchal society?