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China Elevator Stories
"Thought Stopping" (A Manipulation Tactic Used By Cults)
A stalker has tried to apply this method to me.
05/03/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Picture: “The source of all human knowledge is the given realm.”
I recently came across the term “thought stopping.” It was mentioned in relation to cults, where any unwanted thought is actively suppressed.
I have also experienced this with a particular stalker I have written about—someone who has acted like a cult leader, attempting to brainwash me and “stop my thoughts” before I can fully process them. He does this by constantly interrupting me and not allowing me to think freely.
As a narcissist, he refuses to allow any thought he dislikes. For example, if you think, “This person is dumb because he always makes everything about himself, doesn’t handle emotions maturely, or needs a woman to take care of him while failing to take care of himself,” he will not allow those thoughts. If you point out something critical—even when it is obvious, repeated behavior with undeniable proof—such as his lack of intelligence, he will first deny it outright, then gaslight you by insisting it never happened, and finally, resort to blackmail and intimidation until you abandon your critical thinking.
If you think, “He’s ugly,” he will engage in “thought stopping” to erase that critical thought. As a narcissist, he cannot tolerate any negative perception of himself. You are an individual with your own observations and preferences, but anything aligned with reality that contradicts his desired image will be gaslighted into nonexistence—as if denying the truth could make it disappear.
This applies to even minor issues, such as pointing out his aggressive behavior toward women, his misogyny, or his racism (he believes Germans are superior and often criticizes other races, such as Austrians). If you highlight his lack of intelligence, he will immediately deflect by accusing you of the same, making it impossible to have an honest discussion. To him, all women are inherently dumb, while all men are highly intelligent—too intelligent for this world, even. This will spiral into a years-long argument where he behaves in an oppositional, defiant manner, constantly denying reality and retaliating with jealousy, greed, cruelty, and revenge.
For him, any thought that threatens his fragile self-image must be eliminated. This makes meaningful, fact-based discussions impossible and severely limits freedom of expression. In a democracy, differing opinions are encouraged and valued, yet individuals like him attempt to enforce rigid censorship. It also suppresses democracy, where differing opinions should be allowed to exist freely.
I grew up in a democracy, and it is disturbing to witness censorship in Central European countries that were once proud of their democratic values. He is not the only man I have encountered in recent years who refuses to allow differing opinions—not just disagreeing with them but outright denying their right to exist.
“Thought stopping” can range from subtle tactics, such as emotional blackmail, to extreme measures like threats and coercion. Emotional blackmail alone can be highly damaging and escalate into dangerous situations. In the worst cases, narcissists resort to threats of violence and threats of killing you to silence dissent.
I believe it is healthy to form opinions based on observable reality. If a man behaves in a disgusting way toward me, I am entitled to that opinion—and to express it. Likewise, if a man treats me with kindness and respect, I can acknowledge that. However, when a man seeks to suppress all my thoughts and control my mental space, this is a form of psychological abuse, and I do not need to tolerate that.
There is a Bach Flower that is applicable to a person in a state of mind such as his, and it is the Bach Flower Beech (bach-flowers.co.uk):
Beech helps those who need to establish a more loving, lenient and flexible relationship with themselves and with those around them. Criticism, judgement and intolerance are very common personality traits in today’s world where they are often seen as acceptable ways of instilling discipline in children as they grow up. However when these traits are not balanced with enough love the result is an individual who is constantly critical, intolerant and judgemental of themselves and others. Being easily irritated by others habits, having a very fixed outlook on life or so sensitive to criticism from others that it is difficult to benefit from life’s lessons, are all indications of the need for this remedy.
Beech helps those who are overly critical let go of their criticism of others. Not that a narcissist would ever address their own issues, but you get what I mean. Being overly intolerant of others can be a sign of a negative Beech state. But being too tolerant of intolerant people and intolerable behavior can indicate the same.
This individual attempted to silence me by reporting me to the police after I tried to report him to the police for stalking me. While law enforcement can be a necessary tool for protection, abusing it to harass and suppress someone is a manipulative misuse of authority.
These are the thoughts I am supposed to have about him:
He is highly intelligent.
(In reality, he lacks common sense.)
He is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
(In reality, he is one of the most insensitive people I have ever encountered and constantly overstimulates HSPs.)
He is an empath.
(In reality, he only claims this to fit into a desirable category. True empathy is not about labels—it is an innate trait and to be honest, no empath would ever want to be an empath and then claim he is particularly cool for being an empath.)
He is spiritual.
(In reality, he misuses labels to appear profound, but he lacks true depth or belief. The only belief I could discern from him is that he believes he is either god or superior to any other higher power. I’m not religious, but I disagree with those who are conscienceless, reckless, and “play with another person’s life.” Trying to control someone’s future or making their existence miserable is deeply wrong. Those who drive others to suicide or persecute people based on traits they find intolerable, such as introversion, are, in my view, unfair and don’t adhere to the rules most of us have learned in society, and attempt to “play god.”)
He is successful.
(In reality, how successful can someone be if their primary focus is stalking a woman for 24/7, 5 years in a row?)
He is a genius at everything, including my creative work.
(In reality, he suffers from delusions of grandeur, without any evidence to support his supposed greatness. He constantly steals from and copies others, lacking any true self-definition. Genuine geniuses are those who create from within themselves, who have a distinct personality, not people who steal other people’s independence and claim other people’s work as their own.)
He is masculine, attractive, and desirable.
(In reality, he exhibits feminine traits while insisting on his masculinity, and I find him completely unappealing. I am a woman, and I want to be with a masculine man [I see real masculinity as something biological, not meaning an aggressive, violent or overly masochistic kind of man when I say masculine, more like: A man with balanced male hormones, enough testosterone and no oestroegen overload or whatever else is going on with men who were born into something like a women’s body with a penis and act like a woman, then claim they are particularly masculine while whining, playing the victim, being overly hysterical, dramatic and passive]. A man who is too effeminate pushes the woman into a more masculine role, making her feel as though she needs to become the man in the relationship. My ex-husband, whom he often judges as inferior because he is Chinese, was a masculine man. Back when things were still working between my ex-husband and me [minus the death threats and the abuse], I found his masculinity attractive, particularly because it allowed me to be a woman, an introvert, female, and myself in his presence without being pressured to change into someone else.)
He has extremely high self-esteem.
(If someone truly had high self-esteem, they would not act the way he does. They would have their own likes, dislikes, and opinions. They wouldn’t take on others’ opinions simply because those people are seen as authorities. People with high self-esteem can engage in normal conversations without banning others’ critical opinions.)
He understands mature relationships, not because he has had real relationships, but because he has “studied theoretical knowledge about relationships.”
(In reality, his behavior is controlling, hysterical, delusional, and emotionally immature—more like that of a baby than an adult. His life seems to mirror a fantasy world, as if he believes that simply claiming to live a “movie life” means he is actually experiencing a real relationship. He thinks that if you spend all your time at someone else’s place, that constitutes a functioning relationship. He treats everything like a game, where nothing is taken seriously. If someone is harmed, he blames the victim for their suffering, using irrational and illogical thinking. His thoughts are nonsensical and disturbing, making it difficult to be around him. Just because I watch a movie featuring a couple doesn’t mean I understand relationships. He has invented a movie in his mind about who he is and who you are, which is completely different from reality, and then he tries to push you into the role he has created for you. If you don’t conform, you will be humiliated and belittled constantly, from morning to evening, for not playing the role he has envisioned. His logic is deeply flawed, and if you point this out to him, he will harass you relentlessly, likely trying to ensure you end up in prison for challenging his thinking or for attempting to escape from him.)
These are the thoughts I am supposed to have about men:
Men are inherently superior.
(My honest opinion: There are great men and great women. I’ve met many incredible women, so I haven’t seen any proof in reality that this statement is true.)
All men are attractive, intelligent, and successful, while all women are inferior.
(This is clearly false. There are unattractive, unsuccessful men, just as there are attractive, highly intelligent, and successful women. Women are not inferior to men, although they are often seen as such. This mindset is rooted in sexism or discrimination. It’s like racism, but directed at a gender instead of a race. The key is to differentiate between reality and outdated, wrong beliefs about large groups of people.)
Women cannot be independent; they must rely on men for validation and survival.
(Women can be independent—and are. My life was functioning well when I was alone. I don’t need a man to make me feel whole. In fact, I feel whole and happy when I’m single, independent, and not harassed. I don’t need a man to supervise me, as though I can’t do anything on my own. This kind of behavior actually makes daily life difficult. Ever had a man block you from the kitchen? If so, you’ll know that women often do better on their own, without someone trying to play the “hero” and make their life more difficult in the process.)
These are the thoughts I am supposed to have about myself:
I am ugly.
(My honest opinion is: I don’t believe I am ugly. If I were, why would I constantly be stalked and harassed by men who want to get me into bed or “get together” with me? Maybe I’m not every man’s type, and not every man might find me attractive, but that’s okay. I don’t care at all. Life is about more than just looks. Honestly, I don’t even want to think about appearance constantly, and I’m not interested in spending time thinking about my own or anyone else’s looks. There’s more to life than that.)
I have poor self-esteem.
(I don’t! I am introverted, which is not the same as having low self-esteem. Some people constantly shame me for being introverted and try to force me to act like an extrovert to prove I have high self-esteem. But being extroverted is not the same as having high self-esteem, and being an introvert doesn’t mean I have low self-esteem. It simply means I like being quiet, which is not the same as lacking confidence. Introversion doesn’t indicate a lack of social skills, and spending time alone doesn’t mean I have an antisocial disorder. Spot the difference. And no, there’s no need to argue with people like him. He lacks common sense and doesn’t know how to apply the right terms to the right things.)
I am worse than others, including other women.
(I don’t compare myself to others. That’s a waste of time.)
I am an outsider.
(I’ve been excluded and bullied by certain people, but that doesn’t make me an outsider. It’s something that happens to many truth-tellers when they speak their minds. This has happened on a much larger scale during and after the pandemic, as people have become intolerant of those who don’t hold back and point out the truth. If this has happened to many others, then I’m not really an outsider. We are a group of many, we just aren’t connected, and often, we don’t even know each other exists. Most of us don’t have anyone we can trust to share our experiences with, and our opinions have often been suppressed to keep the truth from coming out. If you bully someone for being an introvert, that doesn’t make them an outsider. They were just born different, and you chose to bully them for it.)
I am unintelligent.
(Others are entitled to their own opinions. I don’t care if others think I’m intelligent or not.)
I am wrong in everything I say and do.
(Usually, when someone says this, it says more about them than it does about me. It shows that they can’t accept their own imperfections and feel the need to criticize others to mask their own flaws. This person likely needs to appear perfect to others, even if their behavior makes them seem more like a creep who can’t control their own life.)
I have no talent.
(I don’t care about this person’s opinion. If others think that about me, so be it. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who can’t relax and enjoy life.)
I must be codependent; independence is unacceptable.
(Legally, Austria is still a democracy, and women are allowed to be independent from men, particularly stalkers.)
I must become addicted to the online world rather than living in reality.
(What kind of life is this person living? An online life or an offline one? Why do they feel the need to force others to live in an online world instead of enjoying real life?)
Any deviation from these imposed thoughts results in extreme retaliation. Instead of confronting his own insecurities, he projects them onto others, manipulating and punishing those who do not conform to his delusions. The abuse I have endured is beyond comprehension.
Imagine this: A person who is blonde tells you they have beautiful black hair and demands that you constantly praise them for it. When you don’t, they harass you, put you down, punish you, and persecute you, even trying to get you thrown in prison so you can’t point out that they don’t actually have black hair.
Intellectually, pointing out that someone is dumb is not much different from pointing out someone’s hair color. If a person has blonde hair, they have blonde hair. If a person is intelligent, they are intelligent. If a person is not intelligent, then they are not. Why lie to someone’s face just to make them feel better about themselves? Not everyone might immediately recognize if someone is truly intelligent or not, but after being harassed so much—nearly driven to the brink—by someone who can’t grasp their own lack of intelligence and constantly needs to create conflict, disrupt natural communication, never allowing anyone to be quiet, peaceful, or silent, and who harasses a woman who wants nothing to do with him, day after day, for years, well… why not point out that they are dumb? Especially when they can’t even respect a simple ‘no’ or a woman’s opinion, which is that he is ugly, dumb, mentally ill, completely deranged, and doesn’t share her values. She’ll simply choose for herself who she allows to be with her.
I asked him to leave me alone for years. So, after all the provocation, I eventually told him how dumb I thought he was. There’s no need for complaints if you’ve been harassing someone for years.
His behavior is so deeply toxic that it affects the well-being of others. A severely toxic person can even turn a healthy person toxic. It’s like constantly being pushed to drink poison, even though you know it’s poisonous and bad for you. When you decline, the toxic person resorts to so many harmful behaviors that you end up filled with their toxic energy. I don’t mind if someone has their own way of living, but if a toxic individual imposes their way of life onto a healthy person—refusing to allow them to live in a way that makes them comfortable—and when their actions become abusive and controlling, infringing on another person’s basic rights, it becomes an entirely different issue.
Beyond that, he has engaged in identity theft—attempting to live my life instead of his own. He has stolen my interests, claiming them as his own, then insisting he discovered them independently. He has even tried to dictate what I can and cannot enjoy, making my passions shallow and meaningless once he co-opts them.
In any functioning society, adults are responsible for their behavior. If someone is mentally unstable to the point of being a danger to others, their family should take accountability. When someone repeatedly causes harm, ignoring the problem only allows further damage.
If you have encountered individuals who attempt to suppress your thoughts, dismiss your reality, or manipulate your perception, you are not alone. Recognizing the pattern is the first step toward reclaiming your autonomy.
Now, please don’t mistake pointing out a perpetrator’s flaws for bullying. If someone has continuously bullied and abused you, you have every right to express your honest thoughts about them. If their actions have left you no choice but to fight back against their harassment, you are entitled to speak your truth.
If this person constantly claims to be intelligent and then tries to silence you for having a different opinion, you are allowed to say what you truly think—that they are dumb. If they attempt to manipulate you into believing they are extremely attractive, frequently boasting about how sexy they are and how you supposedly find them attractive (when that couldn’t be further from the truth), you are within your rights to express your genuine opinion—that you find them extremely ugly and would never date them.
In this case, you are not bullying them; you are simply standing up for yourself and trying to make a creepy, delusional, and persistently harassing person leave you alone.
Have you ever experienced “thought stopping”?
On a side note:
I had disabled comments for the past few years due to stalking. I’ve now reactivated them on all posts, so feel free to leave a comment at the bottom of the page. Please stay polite and respectful in your comments, or I will have to delete them!