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China Elevator Stories
How to Understand the Signals a Person Sends
We communicate constantly through our bodies.
16/04/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
We constantly send signals with our body—either through our body language or other non-verbal cues. Most people are familiar with reading another person’s body language and are able to understand signals that communicate:
“I am not interested.”
“I am busy.”
“I need time for myself.”
There are a lot of signs we send out when we’re interested in another person or in conversation, and others we send out when we aren’t. These signs may not always be clear, but a lot of the time, they are easy to understand.
When I think back on how and when I learned to understand body language, I honestly cannot remember. It must be something we naturally learn just by being around people and by understanding the signals people send out with their body—by being immersed in life. It’s not a language we consciously learn, but one we instinctively pick up without anyone having to explain it to us. Aren’t human beings terrifically talented?
So, when a person hasn’t learned to read body language, it becomes even more noticeable—especially when the majority of people are able to read it.
A person who can read and understand body language might recognize signals like ‘I am not interested’ just by observing how someone is sitting—because their posture communicates that message. If you have healthy self-esteem, you would likely respect this non-verbal boundary and leave the person alone. You wouldn’t misinterpret the behavior as something more than what it is—a person needing time to herself or simply wanting to be alone.
However, a person with low self-esteem might interpret the same behavior as a reflection of themselves, even though it’s not. For instance, when a woman sends the signal ‘I want to be left alone,’ it may simply mean that—nothing more. It doesn’t necessarily say anything negative about the other person (such as ‘The other person is a horrible human being I don’t want to be around,’ though, of course, if we have been harassed, we may indeed be sending out that signal). Yet, some people may still misinterpret it, even if that’s not the intent.
When we’re busy, we might send out signals of stress. We may work faster, walk faster, or our body may send out stress signals through our nervous system. Others are usually able to pick up on these signals—especially if they are highly responsive, highly sensitive, or empathic.
When we’re not interested, we may also show it through simple signs: we may be caught up in our own activities, or we may not be paying attention to another person—not because we want to be rude, but simply because we’re not interested. This is a natural process; we can’t possibly be interested in everyone, nor do we have an obligation to be. We may avoid eye contact or otherwise not show any signs of engagement. Some people, like me, may be interested in certain topics such as history or travel, but not in others, or in paying attention to a particular person.
A narcissist may accuse you of being a narcissist just because you’re not interested in him, but that’s totally not the case! A person who isn’t a narcissist may simply not be interested in narcissists—who constantly need to be the center of attention, even if it means preventing you from paying attention to other people, other topics, or other priorities that you may have apart from the narcissist.
In my own experience, people who can’t interpret another person’s body language correctly are usually sociopaths. Sociopathy comes with an inability to understand social norms, and sociopaths are often blind to body signals—for example, when someone communicates through her body language that she doesn’t want to have any contact with you, or when someone needs to be left alone to regain strength if she is an introvert.
The stalker I’ve dealt with for many years is one of those people who can’t understand body language at all and constantly misinterprets it. Dealing with a person like this can be harrowing—especially since no amount of explaining that their behavior is socially unacceptable, or that they are the one who is socially awkward and out of line, seems to make a difference. You shouldn’t have to keep teaching someone basic life skills or acceptable social behavior simply because they can’t read normal signals. I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to repeat to this particular person to stop harassing me, to stop misreading the signals I’m sending, and to understand that he’s the one who doesn’t grasp social norms—not me.
A sociopath’s behavior includes acting especially weird when others display normal emotions (such as anger or sadness), or reacting inappropriately to normal facial expressions—without a real understanding of what those expressions mean. They might not understand that not every expression has to be dramatic or extreme to be normal, and they may also lack an understanding of the typical feelings that come with normal facial expressions.
Have you ever come across someone who couldn’t interpret body language?