articles
China Elevator Stories
Breaking Free from Power Struggles
Narcissists are constantly drawing others into power struggles with them.
24/03/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Narcissists love, love, love power struggles. They don’t just occasionally engage in them when a struggle might be necessary—such as when someone is in a position of authority and needs to regain control if their power has been stolen. No, narcissists engage in power struggles constantly, even when there’s no real need for one. Their goal is to push you down until you’re at the very bottom, which, in their view, is where you belong.
According to speak4mc.com, here are some signs that you might be entering a power struggle:
Conversations feel increasingly competitive or defensive.
The focus shifts from solving the issue to simply being “right.”
You experience frustration or emotional tension that overrides the original topic.
Power struggles often revolve around a competition for who is higher in the hierarchy. Frequently, the person who naturally holds a higher position finds themselves drawn into struggles with those trying to challenge that position. This might not even be about an official title, but simply about someone occupying a space of influence, like a blogger who has authority within their niche. Power struggles can even start within families and are not always about the actual authority, but sometimes about who is more attractive or desirable. In many cases, power struggles arise from jealousy — either overtly or covertly.
In relationships, such as a marriage, power struggles can occur when one partner tries to dominate the other by constantly putting them down to diminish their self-esteem and “push them into a lower position.” This can happen even when both people should ideally share power equally.
In some cases, people might engage in power struggles with you without directly confronting you. They might use the silent treatment or passive-aggressive behavior to try and push you out of your position or influence. This behavior is often hard to counter because it’s subtle and indirect. Passive-aggressive actions, such as refusing to acknowledge boundaries or avoiding direct communication, can make it difficult to confront the issue head-on.
In my case, when people act passive-aggressively in an immature manner, I confront them by asking them to stop and switch to more direct and active communication. For example, someone who refuses to leave when asked to respect a boundary, or stalks you despite being told to stop, is engaging in passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of respecting boundaries to solve the issue, they may try to silence you, ignoring your “no” as though it didn’t exist.
Other forms of passive aggression include shutting you out, not allowing your opinions to be heard, and only listening to one side of the story while disregarding the other. This creates conflict by blocking your voice and positioning themselves in a way that ensures you’re excluded from the conversation.
The stalker I’ve had for years is an example of someone who continuously creates a power struggle. His passive-aggressive behavior taught me what it truly means when someone is passive-aggressive. Instead of resolving issues through direct conversation, he uses unfair, indirect methods to maintain control, often making it impossible for me to assert a boundary or say “no.” If I do say “no,” he simply ignores it and twists my words, turning my refusal into an agreement. He employs tactics like coercion, intimidation, and constant competition, attempting to steal my authority and invade my personal space.
Every “no” I give is dismissed, as though it wasn’t said. It’s a constant harassment cycle, where I am made to feel guilty for setting basic boundaries. He uses triangulation— bringing in others to intimidate me instead of doing it alone.
There is competition over everything: how I dress, how I look, who I’m allowed to speak to. I’m not allowed to engage with anyone without his constant scrutiny. He tries to dictate my actions, behavior, and even my thoughts, projecting his ideas onto me, telling me who I am, what I like, and how I should behave.
Being drawn into a power struggle can be incredibly draining, and it can be difficult to escape, especially if the other person is relentless. In a normal power struggle, you’re usually just trying to regain control over something that rightfully belongs to you. But in an unfair power struggle, the other person wants to take away what is naturally yours, such as your rights, your space, or your authority. They may even bully you out of your rightful position, using manipulative tactics that prevent you from countering their actions.
A recent power struggle I experienced involved two stalkers, both trying to prove who was more intelligent, who had more authority, and who should make decisions in my life. Often, the person starting a power struggle isn’t the one with actual authority or intelligence. They might feel inferior and want to be in your position or take what you have.
Narcissists may never stop their power struggles until they’ve taken what they believe belongs to them—your reputation, your projects, your success, or your influence. They don’t understand the concept of “no,” and they thrive on creating conflict to maintain control.
In many cases, the person starting a power struggle with you may lack self-confidence and seek to feel superior by undermining your position. They might compete over skills, ideas, or even your role in your own projects. For example, a narcissist might try to claim credit for your work, take your content without permission, or try to steal your reputation.
I have personally experienced many power struggles, and I’ve learned that there is a distinct difference between overt and hidden power struggles. But they all share one common goal: to push you out of your position. A less severe power struggle might be uncomfortable, but a more intense one could result in the loss of what should naturally be yours—whether it’s your voice, your authority, or your personal power.
Have you ever experienced a power struggle?