articles
China Elevator Stories
not everything can be generalized, so please don't
The stalker who has made my life a living hell for more than three years in a row is generalizing things that can’t be generalized.
19/06/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
When I signed up for a dating app—not because I was trying to date someone (I am happy being single)—but because I wanted to conduct a social experiment to understand how these apps work and how people behave on them, one of the first people who appeared on the app to harass me was the stalker who has been stalking me using fake profiles.
He didn’t just create one fake profile but many, making it impossible for me to enjoy chatting with other men. Wherever I went on the app, he would appear and send me messages.
He is extremely egocentric and incapable of recognizing others as individuals. He makes everything about himself, constantly talking about his looks and his achievements without acknowledging what a woman wants, needs, or deserves. He disregards the basic principle that a man seeking a relationship with a woman should make her feel special rather than degrading her while self-promoting.
A respectful man accepts a woman’s “no” and moves on. No woman wants to be harassed by a stalker who pretends he is in a relationship with her.
For years, I have had to endure his efforts to “advertise himself” to me. I said no to him three years ago, two years ago, and again last year. My answer has never changed.
The root of his behavior lies in manipulative YouTube videos teaching men how to coerce women into relationships. Titles like “How to Get Any Woman You Want,” “How to Get Her Into Bed Even If She Doesn’t Like You,” and “How to Make Any Woman Like You” promote toxic and predatory behavior.
For years, he projected onto me the idea that I wanted to be in a relationship with him. Despite my repeated “no,” he tried to force me into liking him. I told him clearly that I meant what I said, and it was still a “no.” Yet, in his mind, my refusal was invalid. If he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he believed he had the right to impose it, and my dissent didn’t matter.
I told him his behavior was inappropriate and disrespectful. Why would I want to be with someone like that?
These manipulative YouTubers convinced him that men could force women to like them, even when the woman had clearly expressed disinterest. He believed he could make me want him. His actions demonstrated that he thought I had no right to say no, that I had to like him, and that I had no voice in the matter.
I repeatedly told him I would never change my mind and that I did not appreciate being harassed. His projections of what women want were not only inaccurate but entirely contrary to my desires. A relationship must be consensual, and I never gave my consent.
I made it clear that I found him unattractive, that his behavior was disrespectful, and that I wanted nothing to do with him. This would never change. Yet he continued to coerce me into talking to him and tried to manipulate me into finding him attractive.
I told him, “If I say ‘no,’ you respect this boundary if you are a respectful man. You do not gaslight my boundary away or pretend that what I say doesn’t count.”
It became obvious that he was incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship with a woman. His intentions were not authentic. I always felt he was using me for something other than what he claimed, exploiting me for his own gain.
He constantly seeks superficial success—a facade rather than meaningful achievements. He wants to take credit for others’ work without creating or earning anything himself.
For instance, whenever I post a blog, he believes it’s his achievement, thinking that my blog is his blog, that my writing is his writing, and that my actions are his actions.
From my experience, he is jealous and greedy, always trying to take from others. I believe he envies my success and tries to get close to me to benefit from it. He is perpetually in competition with me, and when confronted, he lashes out and punishes me for expressing my opinions or speaking the truth.
Whatever his reasons for wanting to be in my life, they are neither honest nor authentic. He tried to dictate what I should blog about and bullied me into writing about him, despite my repeated refusals and my assertion that he wasn’t important enough to warrant mention.
Why am I still blogging about him?
Because he has escalated his attempts to gaslight me into pretending I like and want him, even though I don’t. Writing about this is my way of trying to flush him out of my life or at least get him to stop his sickening harassment.
I have a choice, but he tries to intimidate me into believing I don’t. This is misogynistic behavior. Only a man lacking intelligence would think he could force a woman to accept him through such absurd, embarrassing tactics.
You cannot project qualities you don’t possess. Claiming success doesn’t make you successful. Saying you have high self-esteem doesn’t mean you actually have it.
The better approach would have been for him to address his own issues, heal, and then seek a relationship with a woman who wants to be with him. Trying to coerce a woman who has rejected you is futile. Rejection is final. If a woman doesn’t like your looks or behavior, you can’t force her to change her mind.
Has a man ever tried to coerce you into liking him when you didn’t?