articles
China Elevator Stories
aggression and violence
The singer I have been writing about can become very violent.
11/06/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
The singer I have been writing about is an aggressive and a violent person. Having him in your life is not fun.
Let me explain how he’ll react in a normal daily situation (just as an example):
If you take the subway and another man looks at you (even if that man looks at you in a normal way) and if he gets to know about it, he’ll get into a rage, he will become violent and aggressive and he will make sure to take revenge on you because A MAN LOOKED AT YOU. He may also threaten to kill you.
This is extremely insane jealousy.
But will he look at how he can own his problem? No. He will make you the scapegoat instead. I have experienced situations that were so extreme that they could have ended with me being dead.
It is also common for him to try and bully me into taking my own life. He would do so by telling me how worthless I was, and by bullying me verbally repeatedly and by thus trying to lower my self esteem. If you have normal self-esteem, he’ll be thinking that you may outshine him, and as a result he’ll try lower your self-esteem.
He’ll get into constant fights and arguments with you and will never simply accept you as you are.
Bullying others until they feel completely worthless is a common tactic of narcissists – my ex-husband used to do the same.
A common response when I asked him to calm down (for God’s sake), and to stop his violence, was for him to tell me: “I can’t change, I’m a psychopath.”
Uhm, yes, for sure, I agree with you that you are a psychopath! This is an excuse, though! If you think like this, then certainly you cannot change, but if you don’t look for an excuse and simply work on changing into a human being who won’t put another person’s life at risk, then you can.
You can do anger therapy, or you can start getting anti-violence training (but this would mean owning the problem first), or you can focus on something else. Please do something about it so I won’t have to take on your responsibility instead of you. In my mind, anything that deals with the problem hands on is fine. Try taking the Bach flower Holly, or – I don’t know – drink some Chinese medicine that treats excess liver fire. You can also make the real problem the problem and not turn the person who is not the problem into the problem.
The relationship we had was very superficial. There is nothing to envy here, believe me. Once he’s in your life, you’ll have all of the problems he doesn’t take accountability for in your life.
On top of that you’ll be manipulated daily, gaslit daily and he’ll make you his emotional caretaker. You’ll have to deal with one catastrophe after another, simply because he creates drama and catastrophes in other people’s lifes and doesn’t work on mitigating the effects.
You’ll also feel like you are now caretaking an eight-month-old baby!
Once you are done and want to leave, he’ll hoover you back into the relationship by telling you that you’re “the one” or by writing or producing (yet another) song for you. (Please don’t, thanks).
He has written so many songs for me that this kind of hoovering tactic has stopped to work.
A song will not heal what is broken and what is lacking in a relationship. If all I have as a result of him being in my life are daily catastrophes, lots of drama, abuse and negative experiences, a hoover will not be sufficient to make me want to stay.
Have you ever been with a violent person?