China Elevator Stories

You know what, it's not me, it's you

The problem is not me, it’s you.


Ruth Silbermayr
Ruth Silbermayr


Thanks for trying to intimidate me, Joris.

When you project onto me that I need to do anger therapy, could you please politely ask me to do so or ask me if you are even allowed to suggest that? The answer is: No. You are not allowed to project onto me that I need to do anger therapy.

Because at this stage of our non-existent relationship, you are the one who needs to own the problem and you are the one who needs to accept reality for what it is. The problem is that you are trying to provoke me on purpose, that you are throwing hatred onto me, and that you are projecting all your anger onto me, so that I get angry eventually because my boundaries have been repeatedly violated.

You know what, it's not me, it's you

When one person violates another person’s boundaries repeatedly and this person does not change, well, guess what? The other person will become angry.

But does that mean that the other person needs to do anger therapy? No, it means you need to stop violating the other person’s boundaries, so that she won’t have to get angry in the first place!

This is you making me the ‘identified patient’. Change your perception, and don’t project onto me that I am the crazy one for telling you that you need to respect my boundaries.

Has another person ever tried to intimidate you so that they could keep violating your boundaries?

(I took the day off and was about to lie down for a nap, when he contacted me and tried to stop me from sleeping. This has been ongoing. He has tried to create sleep deprivation and has made every effort so he could to stop me from recovering from an illness and stop me from getting enough sleep).

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