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Why Intimacy Stalkers Stalk
An intimacy stalker usually has dark motives when stalking.
12/08/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
I asked ChatGPT how an intimacy stalker violates the rights of their target, and this is the answer I got (which is spot on and I have had all these rights violated by two intimacy stalkers who have used various means to gain private information about me without my consent):
“An intimacy stalker — someone who pursues unwanted closeness or romantic/sexual involvement — violates another person’s right to privacy in several distinct ways:
Intrusion into private life
They may monitor, follow, or surveil the person’s movements, communications, or online activity without consent.
This intrusion can happen physically (e.g., showing up uninvited) or digitally (e.g., hacking into emails, reading private messages).
Non-consensual gathering of personal information
The stalker might collect details about the person’s relationships, routines, health, or intimate life without permission.
Even seemingly “harmless” inquiries — when persistent and unwanted — can be a privacy breach because they remove the person’s control over their personal data.
Unwanted exposure of private facts
Sometimes stalkers share, threaten to share, or fabricate intimate or embarrassing information (including photos) to pressure or manipulate the victim.
This is a direct violation of the right to keep certain information confidential.
Interference with personal autonomy
The right to privacy includes the freedom to decide who can enter your emotional and physical space.
An intimacy stalker disregards the victim’s decisions and boundaries, effectively denying them the ability to live free from unwanted attention.
Creation of a hostile environment
Continuous unwanted contact forces the victim to alter their habits, avoid public spaces, or limit communication, effectively shrinking their “private sphere” in daily life.
Legally, this often overlaps with harassment, invasion of privacy torts, or stalking statutes, depending on the jurisdiction. In human rights terms, it violates the basic principle that each person should be able to control their own personal and intimate life without interference.
They may be in all your private relationships by infiltrating them either personally, or by watching the people you interact with, and gather intel not only about you but also about all other people you interact with. One sign of an intimacy stalker may be that once you declined having contact with them, they seek out any other relationships you have, including family members, after you have made sure they are stopped from stalking you.
They may have infiltrated your network of friends and family members long before you needed to end the relationship with the stalker, such as a husband befriending everyone in your family, including certain important family members such as your father or mother, to then turn these people against you, one by one. Other intimacy stalkers gather intel not only on you, but on these family members or on your relationship with them, and then use this information against you, either to threaten you, intimidate you, or intimidate friends and family.
Sometimes, this is so that friends and family won’t speak openly about the abuse you have suffered at their hands, or so that they won’t speak openly about the abuse they have suffered by that abuser as well (sometimes, these people abuse not just one person, but many, and you not being able to talk with other family members who have experienced the same or with friends who have been intimidated or threatened as well, may keep the information about the abuse from ever coming to the surface).
Or they may do so to avoid the truth about their death threats coming out; other times, they may do so to then threaten you by telling you that they will tell private information to people you wanted to keep this information away from due to it being a private issue (I’m referring to the right to privacy, which each human being, at least in certain countries, has a right to have, which is written down as one, but usually more than just one law, in the constitution or other bodies of law of many countries).
They may also watch you and your family or friends over a prolonged period of time and have gotten into a relationship with you by feigning to love you, to then get access to your circle of relatives, family or friends. They may abuse you first, and when you try to speak about what they have done to you, spread lies about you to your friends and family which will draw them onto their side, and leave you isolated with no one who is willing to help because everybody has started to believe the lies of the abuser (usually, they do so by painting themselves as a good person who hasn’t done anything wrong, and you as abusive for speaking about the truth, the abuse, and in almost all cases, they will paint you as mentally unstable, untrustworthy, insane, etc).
Some may start to date you, but are actually after your relationship with your children. They may first date you, and when you reconnect with your children, they will sabotage your relationship with your children after they have stalked you and spied on you for either months or years to find out private information about you that you never consented to being shared with them. You may have no possibility of removing this person from your life. A narcissist usually betrays everyone they have a long-term relationship with, at least the more malignant ones will. While they portrayed themselves to be a trustworthy, reliable person at first (which they usually all do), after they have earned your trust, they will betray it by doing the exact opposite of what they promised they would do. They may have helped you reconnect with your children, and once you do, they are in your relationship, isolating you from your children, spreading lies about you and your children, and alienating you from your children so that they can destroy the bond and the relationship between you and your children. Any truly malignant narcissist I got to know destroys the relationship between a mother and her children, which is also why it is so hard to get your children back once that relationship has been destroyed.
In my case, the relationship wasn’t just destroyed by one person, but one after another tried to manipulate, destroy, and sabotage it. These people are manipulative, and you may not learn about their true intentions until it is already too late. They often deny they are alienating you from your children or them from you when confronted, and often, they hide their actions or they lie about their actions and simply tell you it was for your own good or other lies. Once caught, they will lie, lie, lie. They will probably also attack you, paint you to be crazy and not know what you are talking about, and once their lying to your face doesn’t work anymore because you have already seen the truth, they will go out and draw other people into the dynamic by lying to them about you and ruining your reputation. So, in addition to dealing with a person who is sabotaging or destroying your relationship with your children, you’ll now also be dealing with the smear campaign, all the lies that are being spread about you, and a person attacking you, or becoming intimidating and threatening towards you because you confronted them with the truth and asked them to stop (such as I have asked the singer to do, who has just added parental alienation on top of parental alienation, because he became incredibly jealous when he realized I had reconnected with my children).
It feels extremely “yikes” when a person who is truly a stranger because he never shared anything about himself does this. Manipulation and lying also feel disgusting to me and I cannot stand it when a grown up does this. They may interfere in all your relationships and say that they need to do so in order to protect you. They may lie about your children or paint you as being incapable of taking care of your children (when you are, not when you aren’t), or cause other actions that destroy the relationship, often staying hidden so nobody will know it was them who destroyed it, not you.
Usually, to others, these boundaries are clear. No stranger or person I would be dating (or wouldn’t, but who’d use this excuse to get access to the relationship between me and my children) would ever be granted access to take part in my family life — moreover so, if he isn’t a trustworthy person and if he isn’t a responsible person who has shown that he behaves like an adult, not a little kid who needs to take revenge at a woman by severing the bond between her and her children. I mean, a person who does so is quite mentally ill and I don’t need to put more on my plate than is mine to carry.
The gaslighting is usually so extreme that when you try to remove them from your life because their actions are simply so toxic and endangering your and your children’s life or the bond you have, they will start all sorts of violent actions to stop you from doing so. They may also pretend they are helping you reunite with your children, only to then triangulate each person against the other, to constantly badmouth your children to you, or to constantly put you down as a parent and as a mother.
These people become mental when being confronted with the truth, and their need to stalk other people doesn’t come from trying to protect another person, but from needing to abuse others, to steal another person’s family, and to take from others what isn’t theirs.
Clearly, any sane person would understand that no sick man should stand between you and your child or sabotage that relationship, but an intimacy-seeking stalker will be in all your relationships, often in an emotionally incestuous or otherwise mentally sick kind of way that not only endangers your own mental well-being, but also that of your child or children.
I still remember that when I was a child, sometimes there were grown-ups who wanted to spend a lot of time with us. While this can be innocent, know that sometimes, it is truly not, and the first red flags are when a stranger or someone you know goes in there and starts to talk about your children with you behind their back, hiding that they are doing this from your children, and not stopping when you ask them to. Another red flag is when they are trying to pull your children onto their side or onto the other parent’s side by doing things (sometimes in a hidden kind of way where your children will never know it was them who did it, not you) that destroy the relationship.
When you set boundaries and tell them that you don’t allow anyone to destroy or manipulate the relationship, they won’t regret their actions, they won’t have a conscience at all, and they’ll just keep on doing what they were doing, until your relationship is completely destroyed.
An intimacy-seeking stalker may not always go to such lengths, but two of those I have met have gone to such lengths, and have stalked every single person in my life to then speak about each of these people with me, start smear campaigns about them to my face, and to verbally abuse me or them. In the case of verbally abusing me, it was so I would start smearing these people together with them or so that my “no, I am not going to talk poorly with you about my children or family with you” would be silenced forever and they could just keep going.
The singer would speak down to me, harass me, up his stalking, and engulf me. He has started to sabotage my relationship with my children horrifically after I have moved back to Siping, and when I asked him to stop (he was talking negatively about them to me all the time, going completely nuts thinking he was so justified in calling them all sorts of names, and then constantly told me how to act with regards to them, how to parent them in a not-so-great manner, believing he was allowed in that relationship and that he was the one who got to call the shots and who got to make my parenting decisions instead of me). This kind of behavior is common for narcissistic mother-in-laws who are sociopaths, and though the singer is a psychopath, he certainly has enough sociopathic traits to not understand anything about how relationships work healthily, and how to keep a safe distance from a woman who has simply asked to be alone.
Intimacy stalking always means a person is trying to gain information they have no right to, usually with regards to either the private relationships of other people or the intimate sphere of another person, such as her home, or what it looks like when she’s naked or on the toilet, etc. They gain this kind of intel on you not to then help you, but to later use it against you.
When you get a creepy feeling around a person who may seem kind of normal at first, but maybe still a bit off, listen to your intuition! The mentally sick are among us, and they don’t always seem like ones at first glance.
Have you ever been harassed by an intimacy-seeking stalker?