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China Elevator Stories
“Visiting the grave brings bad luck to your baby”
My Chinese husband and I visit his aunt in a village in Jilin province in November 2014.
18/12/2014
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
In November 2014, my husband and I traveled to a village in Jilin province to visit Gugu, my father-in-law’s older sister. We had visited her in the summer of 2013, and now, we were returning.
The village is where my husband’s grandfather had moved to in his younger years. His family endured the hardships of early-to-mid 20th century China by relocating from the city of Dalian in Liaoning province to this small rural village in Jilin.
After my husband was born, his grandfather took care of him in Siping while my in-laws worked. He was the only grandparent still alive during my husband’s childhood and the one with whom he had the closest bond. My husband fondly recalls his grandfather playing with him in the countryside, sneaking him cookies, and singing Japanese children’s songs. Despite his fluency in Japanese, which he had learned during the Japanese occupation of Manchuria, my husband’s grandfather had to conceal it after the Communists came to power. He lived to 88 and passed away when my husband was in his early 20s.
In late spring 2014, my husband had planned to visit his grandfather’s grave to share the news of our pregnancy. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it to the village at that time but promised to visit after the birth of our child.
On a cold November morning, we prepared to visit the grave. However, as we were about to pack up our 4-month-old son, the relatives took turns advising us: “You can’t take him. It’s too cold.”
We had grown accustomed to people telling us it was too cold to take our son outside in China, so we didn’t think much of it. But then Gugu explained the real reason: “It brings bad luck to a baby.”
According to this tradition, taking a baby to a grave is considered bad luck, so we decided to leave our son with my mother-in-law.
On the way back from the grave, my husband asked his aunt when it would be appropriate to bring our son. She replied, “You’ll need to wait until he’s older, around 12 years old.”
Although my husband wanted to introduce our son to his grandfather (our son’s great-grandfather), we chose to respect the tradition and decide to wait until our son is older.
Have you ever heard of this tradition?