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China Elevator Stories
Stalked by an Incel: A Five-Year Nightmare
I have been stalked by an incel who won’t leave me alone.
17/10/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
I’ve encountered misogynistic men in the past, but I never imagined I’d have a stalker—an incel—who would harass me for half a decade. This individual hid his incel identity and denied it, even in later stages, though it was obvious from his behavior.
He lied about nearly everything—his looks, his mother, his achievements—and his deception was so extreme that I couldn’t trust a single word he said. Sometimes, authorities and courts get a date of birth wrong, and I’m not entirely sure if this was an error on their part or if it’s his actual birthdate. When he told me his age, he claimed to have been born in 1984, but the police reports show he was born in 1992.
Having a stalker is bad enough, but being stalked by an aggressive, violent, schizophrenic, and histrionic man who can be identified as an incel by his speech, behavior, and treatment of women has been a daily catastrophe for five years.
He wanted a relationship with me, and when I declined his advances—since he was demanding things without giving anything in return and I didn’t find him attractive, respectful or sane—he became uncontrollably aggressive and violent.
Although I’m used to dealing with narcissists, this person has been such a relentless burden that he has made my life unlivable.
In the article Weaponized Subordination: How Incels Discredit Themselves to Degrade Women by Michael Halpin, incels are described as:
“An online community of men who define themselves by their inability to participate in heterosexual sex/relationships. Incel forums are characterized by self-loathing, anger, and misogyny, with several incels having committed murders (e.g., Elliot Rodger).”
This perfectly describes this stalker. He doesn’t understand or adhere to social norms and has no respect for boundaries or women. When asked to be respectful, he does the opposite, degrading me as though I’m not worthy of humane treatment. In his view, men are superior, and women, especially me, are inherently flawed.
Some men who identify as incels see themselves as unattractive and believe this is why they can’t find a relationship. Others, like this stalker, believe they are exceptionally attractive—even when this is clearly not the case. He thinks he’s the most handsome man on the planet, though to me, it’s obvious he is not.
His appearance may be part of the issue, but the real problem lies in how he treats women. He uses coercion, tramples on others, and has an ego the size of an elephant. He never considers a woman’s individuality, thoughts, opinions, or achievements to be as valid as his own. In his mind, women are inferior, irrational, and untrustworthy beings who must accept him as superior.
This is an extreme form of a superiority complex, and in his case, it’s pushed to its absolute limit.
In this comment, User 3 emphasizes that while he exercises physical fitness and has good etiquette (despite calling women subhuman foids), he is still too ugly to receive any attention from women.
Incels dismiss the relevance of personality, with users who encourage personality changes being insulted and/or banned. For instance, in a thread on Elliot Rodger with more than 100 replies, User 4 states that “some of these fucks [other users] would seriously get laid if they had better personalities.” User 5 sanctions this comment: “Do mods let you guys say shit like this now? You’re joking right?” While User 4 then qualifies his argument by stating self-improvement only works if you are not “repulsive”, he is still critiqued by others:
“Are you saying that an upper tier [attractive] normie [normal person] with a very good personality would out slay [have more sex than] a misogynistic nonNT [non-neurotypical] Gigachad [very attractive man]? . . . You somehow stupidly believe personality bears any weight on the attraction a foid will have.” (User 6)
User 7 likewise tells User 4 that he “doesn’t even know” the “blackpill” and should leave the community. User 4 attempts to defend his point while numerous other users insult him, although he concedes that “I never said personality can be used to compensate for physical ugliness.” Thus, incels assert that lookism determines their masculine status by excluding them from romantic/sexual life.
Incels further demonstrate that personality does not matter by stating that Chads (men they see as attractive, hegemonic archetypes) are appealing to women regardless of their personalities.
In the same article, Halpin explains that:
“Men strategically use their perceived subordinate masculine status to justify their degradation of women. (…) Incels argue that they experience social bias against unattractive people, which they call ‘lookism.’ They see themselves as permanently subordinated ‘failed men’ and use this perceived status to legitimize their misogyny.”
This stalker views himself as an extreme victim. After years of stalking, harassing, and terrorizing me, he went to the police and reported me, to prevent me from stopping his harassment. He has used this to disregard all my boundaries and remain in my life, trying to coerce me into submission, spending time with him, and forbidding me from telling him to leave my life. He is highly manipulative, using women as tools for his own gain—seeking attention, wanting to participate in their ‘fame’ (whether it’s real or imagined ‘fame’), and in the case of women, is also after their money.
According to Halpin:
“Incels denigrate themselves and other men, endorse racism, sexism, and violence against women, and celebrate mass murderers (e.g., Elliot Rodger). Incels are part of the larger ‘manosphere’—male-oriented websites that critique feminism. Despite differences, incels and other manosphere communities participate in ‘networked misogyny,’ believe men are victims of systemic misandry, and subscribe to a ‘red pill’ ideology, which claims that men have become aware of feminism’s harmful influence. Incels also adopt a ‘black pill’ ideology, believing they will never establish romantic/sexual relationships and will be ‘forever alone’.”
These general tendencies are apparent in this stalker. He believes he’s better at establishing relationships than women, even though he’s not. He accuses me of being bad at communication and relationships because of past failed relationships (they failed, but at least I did have long-term relationships and am able to be in a relationship with a healthy individual). Hint: I’m not bad at relationships just because the ones I was in ended! This is a fallacy.
He makes sweeping generalizations about women and expects me to accept them as inherent flaws. When I refuse, he punishes me for not believing his lies. He believes I should degrade myself in front of him, and accept my ‘slave status’.
Halpin also notes:
“While incels often speak about sex, they also believe they are precluded from romantic relationships. Some incels suggest that if a woman were affectionate, loving, and accepting of their desires, they would enter a relationship with her.”
This stalker sees me as his “looksmatch“, even though I am not. I won’t date him, and there are many reasons—his appearance is one, but more importantly, he’s a mentally ill stalker with a distorted sense of reality. He has lied, manipulated, exploited me, and even reported me to the police. His behavior is atrocious, and as a sociopath incapable of normal social interactions, there’s no reason for me to want any relationship with him. He is cruel, egotistical, and arrogant. It’s always about him and his needs, with no consideration for others. He has sabotaged my life to the point where I cannot live a normal life anymore.
When we think of incels, we must remember that they are not generally innocent victims who simply couldn’t find a partner or a woman to have sex with. Many degrade and treat women horrifically, going to great lengths to destroy those who reject them—or even kill them.
I’ve received multiple death threats from this stalker, and I take them very seriously.
Were you ever targeted by an incel?