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China Elevator Stories
When Your Life and Relationships Aren’t Yours Anymore
One of the greatest dangers with certain people is that they may steal your identity.
21/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
When a person is stealing your identity—not your passport, but your identity in daily life—there are a few warning signs, though most of the time, you’ll only realize what happened after the fact.
These people will usually try to learn personal things about you that are none of their business. They might hang around your place a lot or dig for intimate, private information that isn’t theirs to have. Imagine a creepy detective, constantly snooping around, trying to find out what you think, what you do, and who you spend time with. Often, they’ll try to get closer to you in some way—emotionally, physically, or socially. This will often feel unsettling. That gut-level feeling of “something’s off” is usually one of the first red flags.
Some identity thieves may have stalked you long before you ever met. They might have watched you for months or years, collecting information and making a calculated entry into your life. Others might start the obsessive information-gathering only after meeting you. There are signs that give them away, though identifying what exactly makes their behavior identity-theft-like can sometimes be difficult.
One major sign is that they lack a true, individual self. They don’t have their own distinct hobbies, interests, or friendships. After entering your life, they might suddenly adopt all your hobbies or preferences. Worse, they may try to force you to like things you don’t actually enjoy, pretending that this reflects your identity. These people can’t differentiate between themselves and others. To them, becoming someone means copying that person. If they’re stealing your life, it’s often because they see you as more successful, happier, or more connected than they are.
They may try to befriend all your friends, gathering information or slowly alienating you from your own social circle. Once they’ve stepped into your life, they want every part of it—your identity, your relationships, even your role in your family.
In family dynamics, this can be especially disturbing. For example, when you’re a mother, a grandmother might act as though she is the mother of your children. She may imitate everything you do with your kids, push you out of your parenting role, and attempt to erase your authority as their mother. This kind of grandmother doesn’t just overstep—she replaces. And while her behavior may seem subtle at first, over time, it becomes increasingly obvious.
This kind of identity theft is rarely innocent. It can be tied to traits of narcissism, sociopathy, and Machiavellianism. From my experience, these people are often highly manipulative and lack any real conscience. They don’t stop where most people would. A Machiavellian person is strategic, remorseless, and may go so far as to isolate a child from their mother or undermine her at every turn. In extreme cases, they’ll do things you wouldn’t believe—things no sane or ethical person would consider.
Machiavellian husbands may threaten to have you killed and might even follow through once you separate from them. In my view, psychopathy alone doesn’t necessarily lead to that level of danger, but when combined with Machiavellianism, it becomes extremely threatening. These people have no internal boundaries. A psychopath without Machiavellian traits might be cruel or sadistic, but not necessarily going after another person’s life. It’s the cold planning that makes them so dangerous.
If you point out that their behavior isn’t normal, they’ll usually gaslight you. They’ll insist you’re imagining things or claim they have every right to act the way they do. They’ll say whatever it takes to confuse and control you.
They see what’s normal as abnormal and vice versa. For them, stealing your hobbies, adopting your interests, and even installing spyware on your devices to learn more about you—then claiming you’re so similar—is completely justified. They don’t distinguish between “you” and “them” and don’t respect other people’s privacy.
They may also become obsessed with your relationships. They might stalk the people in your life, try to manipulate your emotions, and claim to understand you better than you understand yourself. Over time, they’ll try to take over your social circle, leaving you isolated.
They often imitate your life events, copying your actions in strange and unsettling ways. I have a stalker who began threatening to take me to court at the exact time I was preparing for legal proceedings in China to see my children. He wasn’t involved, but his behavior mirrored mine in disturbing ways, as if he were trying to hijack even the legal battle I was facing. He would claim to be just like my ex-husband—even though he didn’t know him personally. It was horrifying to witness someone try so hard to become someone else while claiming he knew me better than I knew myself.
When I confronted him about his stalking and told him to stop, he claimed I wanted the attention. He insisted what he was doing was normal and that I had no right to stop him. He lied constantly to justify his invasive behavior and refused to leave me alone.
People like this may even fake being in love with you. They’ll mimic behaviors they’ve seen online or observed in your past relationships, pretending to love you while using everything they’ve learned to manipulate you. Because they lack a true sense of self, they assume no one else has one either.
Usually, they’re after something you have—money, relationships, your career, your status or fame, or whatever else their twisted mind desires. They will stop at nothing to get it, often leaving you feeling completely used, abused, and objectified.
You’ll eventually notice that this person isn’t genuinely in love with you; they’re simply putting on a sick, narcissistic performance, stooping so low as to act as though they are in love to achieve their goals.
Now, real love—when it exists—can be felt by the other person. It becomes emotional energy stored in the body. So, someone merely claiming to be in love without actually feeling it may reveal themselves over time.
If you’re an empath, you can often sense whether what a person says truly resonates in their body or whether it’s a convenient lie meant to extract something from you—like your resources.
There are many other disturbing behaviors they may exhibit. This overview is not exhaustive. But it’s important to understand: these people are dangerous. They will stop at nothing to insert themselves into your life. While most people achieve things through their own efforts, these individuals try to steal accomplishments, take credit for your work, and invade your life under the pretense of closeness.
People like this are deeply paranoid and obsessed. No matter how often you tell them that you are not the person they imagine you to be, they continue forcing themselves into your life, copying you, and stealing your identity, relationships, and achievements. Your life becomes a stage for them to act out a version of themselves they’ve constructed based on who they think you are or what they think you like.
At work, this might look like a coworker stealing your work, taking credit for your contacts, or manipulating colleagues to get ahead and be chosen over you—even though they aren’t nearly as qualified. They may claim they did your work, or most of it, when in reality they only contributed a small part—or were simply present in the same office without doing any of it.
One consistent red flag is the lack of a distinct personality. These people cannot tell the difference between “me” and “you.” Their actions may cross into disturbing territory—for instance, a man acting out your gender identity, commenting on your period products, or even wanting to change your menstrual cup. That’s voyeurism, but it becomes even more insane when the person believes they are you.
You may feel disgusted, confused, and violated—but know that you are not the crazy one. Dealing with someone like this may make you feel like you’re losing your mind, but the truth is: their insanity doesn’t make you insane. Even if they make you question yourself, the irrational behavior is theirs. And while they might try to force you to become like them, they have no right to erase your identity—no matter how entitled they believe they are to do so.
Have you ever had your identity and life stolen from you?