articles
China Elevator Stories
When Your Goals Are Sabotaged by Narcissists
Sabotage is sometimes obvious, but often it’s hidden.
31/05/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
I have met various narcissists—two in particular who were especially extreme—who overwrote every goal I had.
It’s common for narcissists to sabotage any goal you have. I’ve experienced this so often, it feels like they all have the same program installed: one that automatically compels them to sabotage a woman, no matter what she does. She could be completely peaceful, uninterested in outward success or appearance, and they would still attack her.
They want constant war and conflict. And when you tell them you want nothing to do with their aggression, violence, and endless drama, they deny you even that right—the right to live a peaceful life, free from their abuse.
In their mind, only “men” exist—especially if they are incels—and I’ve met many men who weren’t just slightly hostile toward women, but openly hateful. Instead of healing their own hatred and confronting their distorted perceptions of women—which they project onto every woman, regardless of who she is (unless she’s a “golden child” placed on a pedestal)—they continually blame women. To be clear, I’m not referring to legitimate blame, but to illegitimate blame, where a woman is held responsible for things she didn’t do or wasn’t involved in. They blame women for not catering to their needs, for not making them feel special, and for not surrendering their goals, future, projects, money, time—everything.
In their view, men get to choose everything, and women get to choose nothing. I have encountered this repeatedly, and at times, living in Austria has felt more like living in Saudi Arabia than in the Western world. This attitude has come from men of all walks of life.
If you talk about a goal or try to pursue one, you can be sure a narcissist will go out of their way to stop it. They’ll put all kinds of blocks in your path and attempt to ruin your life. If they can’t sabotage it directly, they’ll do it indirectly. There’s no point in explaining fairness to them. Narcissists believe they are above others and that the rules don’t apply to them.
You may find yourself going ten steps backward every time you try to take one forward. Instead of making progress, a narcissist will drag you down so far, you’ll feel ashamed to have ended up in that place.
I experienced this with one narcissist who, upon hearing that I planned to go to China, went to the police to report me. He did it partly for attention, and partly to prevent me from reporting him for stalking. To me, the whole thing was just embarrassing. How unhinged do you have to be to report a woman to the police so you can continue stalking her and stop her from moving to another country?
When someone does this repeatedly, it becomes clear just how little self-esteem they have, how obsessed they are with someone who wants nothing to do with them, and how empty and purposeless their life is—driven entirely by external drama and the false belief that they are superior to others.
Have you ever experienced sabotage?