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China Elevator Stories
Why European Women Choose to Date Chinese Men
There are many reasons why European women choose to date Chinese men, one of which is commitment.
23/12/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
If you’ve been wondering why some Western women choose Chinese men, for some of us, like me, commitment used to be the main reason.
Before I met my Chinese ex-husband, I used to date an Austrian man for six years, but that man wasn’t too interested in having a relationship that progressed beyond just being boyfriend and girlfriend. At age 25, I was ready for a more committed realtionship—I was only looking for a man who would want to get married and have a family—and my Chinese ex-husband seemed to be the perfect fit for this.
Of course, Austrians sometimes do marry, and things may be a bit different for each individual (and generation), but in general, I have met many men in Austria and other Central European countries who aren’t interested in progressing in a relationship beyond just being boyfriend and girlfriend. Many of the men I have met have kind of a laisser-faire attitude about relationships and this kind of attitude wasn’t what I was looking for.
If you see a relationship as having different stages, such as falling in love, being together as boyfriend and girlfriend, then getting engaged and married, and eventually having kids (if a person wants them), we got stuck at the stage of being boyfriend and girlfriend. Naturally, I do not think that every relationship needs to progress beyond that stage, but for me, my ex-boyfriend’s attitude showed a lack of wanting to have real commitment with me.
When I met my ex-husband in 2012, he wasn’t afraid of moving beyond that stage. Just like me, he wanted to have children as well. At that time in life, I was ready to live life with children and have a family.
Some believe that European women who date Chinese men are wrong for choosing a man who is not the same race or who isn’t European. Sometimes, when a Western woman dates a Chinese or Asian man, it is not because she was never interested in men of her own nationality, but it may have been a choice influenced by her experiences with a man or various men from her own culture.
Chinese men, in general, are often more willing to marry and have a family. A lot of the AMWF couples I know got married and had a family. In comparison, I know a lot of Austrian couples who never got married and didn’t have children. Men who don’t want children or who don’t want to marry are frequent in Austria, in my experience (though not all think this way; in my generation, it is a widespread phenomenon, particularly in cities such as Vienna). Therefore, if a woman wants to have a committed relationship and get married, she may choose to look for a partner who has a different cultural background where marriage isn’t frowned upon but something many pursue.
Now, just like it happened in my case, this may not mean that your marriage will lead to a successful long-term relationship, but it may still mean that you may be dealing with a person who has a different approach to life that is more aligned with your own.
Have people ever criticized your choice to date someone who is Chinese?