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China Elevator Stories
The Difference Between Having a Legitimate Opinion and Being Overly Opinionated
I examine how opinions are shared and the dynamics of opinion suppression in Europe.
29/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
You know you’re 100% dealing with a narcissist when differences aren’t seen, acknowledged, accepted, or are gaslit away as though they don’t exist—even when it comes to obvious differences.
The most extreme narcissists think only about themselves and believe their opinion is the only one that matters. The extreme dynamics we’re seeing in Europe these days—where only one opinion is allowed and all other opinions are prohibited—are because of narcissism. Only malignant narcissists act like this: where only their opinion is allowed and others aren’t. You may not have experienced it like I have, but I have experienced it to the extreme, where I was almost murdered for voicing my own (pretty normal) opinions—or at least that’s what they seem like to me. And sometimes, there may be different groups who allow different opinions and don’t allow other opinions than theirs, but still, we are seeing the pattern of only one opinion being allowed, and others not only being prohibited but being censored. People who voice different opinions are being persecuted, reported to the authorities, and certainly coerced into giving up their own, inherent opinions.
These opinions aren’t being suppressed because they’re necessarily false or because another opinion is the only true one. Rather, I think people in power are afraid of allowing a discourse where differing opinions can be expressed freely—without being censored by very severe means.
I mean, we’re certainly seeing a lot of censorship on YouTube, and many people have been affected by it. On certain topics, people haven’t even been allowed to think certain things, because they are immediately labeled. For example, someone who wasn’t pro-vaccination was instantly labeled something—though that label may not have applied to every person who was simply critical or hesitant about getting vaccinated.
I got the COVID vaccine after societal pressure had grown too strong, and I have to say, I almost died afterwards. That kind of experience was usually not something people were allowed to share publicly. (I don’t know if they are allowed to share it now on platforms like YouTube or similar.) If people aren’t allowed to talk about the serious side effects some vaccines may have, then yes—we are already experiencing very severe censorship. In a truly open society, people would simply be allowed to voice such opinions, without being harassed, persecuted, or targeted for doing so.
In the past, people were able to voice opinions (before COVID, when times still felt more normal—or at least seemed more normal)—and that was it. They voiced their opinion, and that was all. It was just an opinion—nothing to be afraid of, nothing to take personally, nothing that automatically defined the person as this or that.
Nowadays, that’s no longer the case. If you had issues with vaccines or chose not to get vaccinated, you could easily be excluded from your family. That kind of exclusion became fairly normal. My hairdresser in Austria told me stories of many people who were excluded from their families over minor reasons—like this particular one.
With any opinion, we always have to discern between true opinions—which come from the inside, not from the outside—and outside opinions, which don’t come from within a person but are taken on by this person either because it suits them in their bid for power or oppression of others, or because others also think this way and they have taken on this opinion to remain a part of this group.
Anyway, I don’t remember things quite being this way back in 2010, for example, when I was studying Sinology in Vienna. Others report the same, such as Dr. Raphael Bonelli, an Austrian psychiatrist, who also reports that it used to be common for people with different opinions to meet up and talk about those opinions, without anyone being excluded or harassed for their views (we’re only talking about moderate opinions here, not extremist views). But nowadays, this isn’t usually possible anymore. I have had the same experience. Truth-tellers are having a particularly hard time, because they speak their mind freely—unlike some other people, who simply hold back their opinions all the time so they won’t be attacked by random people.
One incel, who constantly claims he has a right to share my life with me—well, certainly, I don’t share his opinion and don’t want to hear the “opinions” (or gaslighting) coming out of his mouth. Like I said, he is certainly entitled to his opinion, but he isn’t allowed to share it with me, because I have already told him I want nothing to do with him. (Which, in the case of stalking or basically anyone, is our right. Harassment is never okay, and telling others they have to listen to everything you say is not okay—that’s coercion, manipulation, and/or blackmail.) We don’t have to meet up with anyone we don’t want to meet up with or spend time in the vicinity of anyone who is extremist, dangerous, or doesn’t allow different opinions—particularly when these opinions aren’t justified, in alignment with reality, and tolerant. Intolerant people—well, I have healthy boundaries with them.
And for sure, narcissists—who are usually so intolerant it may be unbearable to listen to their extreme opinions all the time—are certainly people I don’t allow to voice their opinion with me over and over, while lacking respect for my rights. I have a right to be left alone by people who harass me and to not have to hear very extreme opinions all the time—opinions that don’t align with who I am, with my values, and that are shared in settings where I was forced to spend time with people I wouldn’t have freely chosen to spend time with. They are allowed to have their own opinions; I am not disallowing them from having those opinions. It simply is a matter of whether they are allowed to share them anywhere they want to—or not.
Now, I choose what opinions I find tolerable enough when I meet up with people, and which people I don’t meet up with because their opinions are intolerable. Certainly, I allow their opinions, but I don’t allow them to harass me with them or verbally abuse me with these opinions.
I mean, I wouldn’t have shouted that my grandmother—who once pointed out that my younger son’s skin looked a bit yellow—was racist. No, that wouldn’t really describe it. For her, his skin truly looked yellow. I didn’t not allow her to say so. Otherwise, she was always very respectful of other people, no matter their cultural heritage, and I knew she didn’t mean to be evil or racist. If someone says this because they are racist, that’s different. But if someone says this because they weren’t used to people from China—because when they lived their life in the countryside, there weren’t many foreigners around or people from China—and they hadn’t really seen them much before, then, well, if his skin looked yellow to her, she was certainly allowed to tell me that this was the case. I don’t think such an opinion is extreme. But if a person constantly utters extreme things and behaves inappropriately all the time—or doesn’t allow other people their opinions, to think for themselves, to think critically—well, no one needs to be tolerant of the intolerant.
These people may also constantly claim that this is now the majority opinion, or that their opinion is the truth because they are a man and men are always more intelligent than women. Some people simply have an opinion on everything—even things no one needs to have an opinion on. No one needs to have an opinion on my sofa, on the cushions I have on my sofa, or on the way I lie on my sofa when I’m alone at home. Certainly, no one needs to have an opinion about how I spend my day when I’m alone at home. No one is entitled to have an opinion on everything.
Sometimes, having an opinion is okay, but some people also truly overdo it with their opinions on everything. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you may also be dealing with a person who overvalues their own opinion (and who knows if this is even their own opinion, or if they’re constantly voicing an opinion because they think it will make them sound extremely intelligent—not as dumb as it actually sounds in reality), and who constantly has an opinion on everything. This, for sure, is also annoying and nerve-wracking, and no one can deal with hearing one person’s opinion all the time and never being allowed to have their own opinion in that person’s presence.
If you spend time with a narcissist, you may experience something like this: the taste of the food needs to be criticized, the way the waiter walks or dresses is mocked, and even the appearance of the plates is deemed unacceptable. Within half an hour, 100,000 things have been commented on—mostly negatively, because nothing is ever good enough and no one is ever as perfect as they believe themselves to be. All of this, of course, despite the fact that you never asked for their opinion in the first place.
Then comes the pressure to agree with them on everything. If you say you’re not okay with the constant negativity, they accuse you of saying “terrible and evil things” about them. Everything is controlled—your voice, your thoughts, your ability to disagree. You’re not allowed your own opinion. If you try to express one, it’s censored. In the end, the only acceptable opinion is theirs (in their mind)—which is often completely wrong, uninformed, and absurd.
They will go to extreme lengths to force you to become someone you’re not—a superficial version of yourself, someone who lives like they do. A narcissist isn’t really living a whole life; he’s stealing someone else’s. He presents himself as uniquely intelligent, distinct, and cultured, and expects you to admire him. Even the most unintelligent or shallow opinions are framed as insightful and brilliant.
The narcissist elevates his opinion to the status of absolute truth and gaslights you into believing you’re the strange one for thinking differently. You’re made to feel like some kind of fringe thinker, or even crazy, simply for not agreeing.
One person once asked me what I thought of his ex-girlfriend. I was honest—I said I didn’t find her attractive, didn’t think much of her, and found her egotistical, arrogant, and narcissistic. (If you ask me for my opinion, as a truth-teller, this is what you will get: the truth.) I didn’t like anything she did, certainly not her music or her arrogant behavior—I simply didn’t like her. Period.
There are people who have an attitude and a vibe that doesn’t match with ours or with what we want to have in our life. And certainly, he had tried to make me jealous with other women all the time, and I didn’t want to see or hear of any of his many women. (He was constantly talking about how he had cheated on me with women, that I deserved it, and had to accept it because I was worth nothing—and was certainly not worth as much as these women who had been famous, sexy, and so much better than me in every regard.)
When I told him my honest view about this person—though I didn’t even want to tell him—he completely lost it. It was as if I’d committed a crime by telling him that I thought nothing of this other person. He tried to intimidate me for not admiring someone he deemed “superior” in beauty and worth. It was like he expected me to worship her, to place her on a pedestal just because he did.
But we are allowed to have critical thoughts about others, especially when their behavior is toxic. I wasn’t even interested in her—I would never allow someone like that into my life. (All red flags were up the very first second I saw how she ran around with him in tow, declaring to all and sundry how overly important and beautiful she was—not through words, but through the way she walked.)
Still, he kept forcing her into my awareness—bringing her up constantly, demanding I talk about her. It felt like emotional incest. He did the same thing with his latest album, which I found horrible. I told him that if he were working for me, he would’ve been fired for doing such a poor job.
This is not what I mean when I say people are allowed to have their own opinions. What I mean is they are allowed to have their opinions—but certainly, with regards to opinions, there is also a healthy and an unhealthy way to have one. These people won’t allow other people’s opinions anyway and think that everybody has to think highly of them whenever they voice their own. It’s kind of like a superiority complex when it comes to their own opinion, and no one wants to be sadistically abused by constantly having to hear some kind of negative judgment about their surroundings or themselves.
But healthy criticism—especially when someone is acting out of bounds or endangering another person’s life—is certainly always okay. Just don’t criticize people when no criticism is necessary, especially if you haven’t been invited into that person’s life and are only hanging around because you’re trying to gain some kind of special status by being associated with them. (Erotomaniacs, mentally ill sociopaths, and stalkers are the worst—they truly ruin other people’s lives!)
If you’ve ever experienced something like this, please share your story in the comments—I’m interested in hearing your point of view. Certain people are too “etepetete” about certain things (or everything—such as the sociopathic stalker who has stalked me for many years). They think they’re a lot better than others, and that this entitles them to voice their opinion about everything. They believe their opinion is the only one allowed, because it’s supposedly aligned with the truth (at least in the eyes of a narcissist). And if that’s not how they consciously think, then they voice their opinions in order to get something from the outside—such as validation for having such a “great” opinion, or acknowledgment of their “superior” intelligence (which usually isn’t there, but which is how they see themselves).
(“Etepetete” is a colloquial German term used to describe someone who is overly delicate, fussy, snobbish, or pretentious—especially when it comes to manners, cleanliness, or behavior. A person who is “etepetete” acts overly refined or high-maintenance, often in an exaggerated or affected way. It can imply that someone thinks they’re better than others, or that they’re too good for normal situations, foods, or people.)
A lot of the time, they’ll voice their opinion without allowing others to have their own. They use their opinion to manipulate or blackmail others into adopting it. Usually, people who do this aren’t very intelligent—they’re simply trying to brainwash you into accepting all their views, regardless of whether those views are valid or aligned with the truth.
It’s like someone telling you that you need to find them attractive, or good-looking, or that they have a lot of self-confidence—even when all their behavior clearly shows the opposite and reveals deep insecurity. These people often don’t realize that others are entitled to their own opinions. And often, their opinions aren’t normal at all. Yet they’ll try to paint you as crazy for having a critical, honest, and actually quite normal opinion—just because you’re stating what you think about them.
I mean, think about the craziness of arguing with a person who constantly lies about what you supposedly think—when in reality, they’re just trying to force you to think what they want you to think about them. That’s not your actual opinion. These people don’t understand that opinions cannot be changed through unnatural means such as coercion, threats, intimidation (or whatever else you may hear if you’re dealing with an erotomaniac stalker and simply tell him that you’re not into him, that you don’t find him talented, that you don’t think he’s good-looking at all, and that you don’t want to spend time with him).
A stalker may then try to tell you that your opinion isn’t allowed. He may threaten you with all kinds of things, trying to force you to change your view—without understanding that the truth can’t be unseen, that opinions can’t be changed like that, and that the only way someone’s opinion can genuinely change is when the opposite has been proven, and only if it needs to be proven.
For example: I may have had the opinion that someone has bad taste, but if that person later proves they have good taste—maybe through how they dress or carry themselves—then my opinion might change based on what I see. But if someone were to try to force me to believe that a certain person has “excellent” taste, while all I see is poor taste over and over again, then no—I certainly won’t adopt that opinion just because someone else claims it’s the truth.
Knowing when we are allowed to change an opinion, and when doing so would overstep someone else’s boundaries, is also valuable knowledge. (Usually, we’re not—but we are allowed to tell people with intolerable or extremist views, or those who don’t respect our right to privacy and peace, to stop harassing or bothering us.)
Everybody is entitled to their opinion—but not everybody is entitled to share it with us, or to constantly harass others with some kind of weird opinion others are truly not interested in (particularly if it’s just nagging all day long, or trying to have contact with people when they’re a stalker not accepting a “no, I don’t want to have anything to do with you”).
Some opinions are also truly too radical. Others aren’t even the real opinions of the person expressing them—they’re just lies about what they think and feel. In such cases, I’m also not willing to listen to the other person’s opinion, because their reason for communicating is usually manipulative or driven by some ulterior motive—such as trying to make you succumb to an outside opinion that isn’t yours, forcing you to adopt a supposed majority opinion, or simply attempting to dominate women or similar behavior.
I have my own opinions on things, and these come from my personal experience. I’m not easily swayed—especially not if I sense that the other person isn’t intelligent enough to form their own, independent opinions, but is merely echoing what everyone else is saying, or taking on strange viewpoints without ever questioning the validity of those views.
What do you think?