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China Elevator Stories
"I Had a Girlfriend Over Eight Years Ago"
I chat with a 25-year-old Chinese man in Tai’an.
14/04/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
It’s April, 2025. I chat with the owner of a little beer shop in Tai’an that sells take-away beer in different flavors, like strawberry and lemon. I accompany another teacher there, and we sit at the only table—outside—enjoying the warm spring evening.
I ask him, “Are you from Tai’an?”
He says, “Yes, I am. I was born here. I used to live in Qingdao too. How old are you? You look pretty young, like you’re 18 or just over 20.”
I have to laugh. I’ve been mistaken for younger before, but I don’t think most people would guess I’m that young. “I’m much older than that,” I say. “I was 20 many years ago. What about you—how old are you?”
He grins. “Can you guess? What age do I look like?”
I tell him, “I don’t know, maybe around 30?”
He looks shocked. “No! I’m 25, not over 30.”
I ask, “I see. Do you have a girlfriend?”
He says, “I had a girlfriend over eight years ago, but haven’t had one since. Chinese girls, you know—they always want me to reply to their messages while I’m at work. But when I’m working, I can’t. They don’t understand that and always expect immediate replies. Chinese girls, in my experience, are rather 烦人 … what do you call that in English?”
I say, “Annoying.”
He laughs. “Yes. And having a Chinese girlfriend is expensive. So is getting married. Chinese girls always expect you to have an apartment and a car if you want to marry. If you don’t have money, they won’t even date you.”
I reply, “I see. I’ve heard about the apartment thing, but aren’t there any women who’d be open to dating without those expectations?”
He shrugs. “At least not the ones I’ve met. They all want those things. That’s why I’m single. Having a girlfriend is too much work anyway.”
Have you heard that it can be difficult for Chinese men to find a girlfriend nowadays?
This is part of the series ‘Conversations with Locals in China,’ where I share conversations with Chinese people on my blog.
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Thanks! My contact information is available on my About page.