China Elevator Stories

when yin and yang are mixed up

Relationships don’t work when yin and yang are mixed up.


Ruth Silbermayr
Ruth Silbermayr


In a healthy relationship, a woman can be herself, and she can be female. I believe that a woman should not be forced into a male role, so that the man can take on a female role.

This is what happened in my relationship with Joris. He constantly tried to force me into a pro-active role, when I am an introvert and not a man who should have to “go to war to fight against men” (this would be an unnatural imbalance).

He kind of mixed-up the yin and the yang in the relationship and then blamed me for not wanting to act against my nature and to take on the role of an extrovert or of a man, or of an aggressive, cruel person. Also, certain responsibilities were his, not mine, and he constantly pushed these responsibilities onto me, and then blamed me when I said I did not want to take on his responsibilities and that they were not mine to take on.

I have asked him repeatedly to set boundaries with Jakob Albrecht, the horrific stalker who has made my life a living hell for three years in a row. But Joris has stayed passive again and again, even though my requests were reasonable (they know each other and he could have done something to change the situation, but chose not to).

He has decided to let me deal with it on my own over and over again. I have explained to him various times that having to deal with this stalker on my own would not help me get rid of this stalker but make everything worse. And this is exactly what happened.

Some boundaries have to be set by other people. Period.

A real man, I believe, would not have been looking for excuses as to why I was the one who had to set boundaries with this stalker. Me setting boundaries with him only aggravated the problem because this made this stalker believe that I wanted contact, when I did not – which is common with any stalker – therefore, boundaries have to be set by others.

Have you ever been in a relationship like this?

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