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China Elevator Stories
When Abusers Try to Force You to Use Non-Violent Communication but Use Violent Language and Behavior
The sociopathic stalker I have been writing about has been trying to force me to use non-violent communication.
04/08/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
The sociopathic stalker I have been writing about has been trying to force me to use non-violent communication. However, in everyday life, he uses no direct communication and has exhibited very violent behavior and awful communication. If you have to listen to him long-term, even if you don’t want to, you’ll quickly realize that this person doesn’t communicate non-violently. His behavior is dominant, aggressive, and misogynistic.
He suggested that I am not capable of using non-violent communication in real life. Well, I am capable of forming sentences where I express my feelings. For example, right now, I feel annoyed because I have been harassed by him, I have set boundaries, and he has not respected a single one of them. He has also tried to push himself onto me again and forced me to listen to him talking, which would be him talking 100% of the time, telling you how wrong you are in everything you think and do, and then telling you how right and great and intelligent he is in everything he does.
I understand the concept of non-violent communication, but in my experience, it’s often used by abusive people to manipulate others through language. For instance, when I have done something that had nothing to do with him, he would project his feelings onto me and say, “I feel angry”, or “you did … and now I feel angry because of that”.
So what? He feels angry? Is that any of my business or responsibility? He is the one who is responsible for his own feelings. I am not the one creating them, even though he has projected onto me that I was. He has been guilt-tripping me with his emotions. Emotional manipulation is a skill this narcissist masters perfectly and emotional blackmail is another of those skills.
What’s next? Is his diaper full and needs changing? “Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice! Let me pick up a few grown-up diapers for you at the supermarket.” He doesn’t seem to realize that he’s putting me in the position of being his caretaker or some other sort of attachment figure, which I am not! I’m don’t want to be that, and he certainly didn’t ask for my consent.
Non-violent communication can be a perfect tool for abusers who seek to control others through language. It is also ideal for narcissists who like to project a false sense of moral superiority.
In my experience with this one particular narcissist, he constantly feels superior to others in every way. As a man, he believes he is especially intelligent, viewing women as entirely unintelligent, a view he projects onto me daily. He also feels superior because he has “studied” non-violent communication, believing this makes him a better communicator than others. In reality, he fails to self-reflect and instead tries to position himself as an unassailable authority, someone others must listen to without question. This kind of double standard is typical of narcissists.
When I communicate, I do so directly. For example, I will say: “You have no place in my life. Leave me alone. Never contact me again. I don’t want to be harassed and abused by you.”
A person who uses non-violent communication might then say, “Let’s talk about your feelings,” or they might project onto you and insist that you need to communicate more about your feelings. I have found this to be common among people who don’t respect your boundaries and then blame you by telling you that you are a bad communicator or that there is something wrong with you because you don’t ‘share your feelings’ with them.
By the way, when a woman asks you to leave her life, you leave her life. You don’t re-enter it by going to the police to reestablish some form of contact with her, and you don’t re-enter it by looking for indirect ways to communicate with her after she has made it clear she wants no communication. You respect her wishes and don’t try to force her to talk about her feelings because that is outright abuse.
Have you ever been intimidated by someone to change the way you speak?