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China Elevator Stories
What Is a Person's Right to Control?
There are things a person has the right to control and others they do not.
22/02/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Lately, I’ve been dealing with a particularly challenging individual—someone who is extremely controlling and never satisfied unless they have power over every aspect of another person’s life. I’ve encountered many controlling people before, and I understand that even those who aren’t naturally controlling can become more so when they feel powerless in their own lives.
People sometimes seek control as a response to being controlled themselves. However, lifelong controllers—those who have always exhibited this behavior—often have different motives. They may seek control for manipulative reasons, to assert dominance, or simply to bring others down in order to feel better about themselves.
What do I have the right to control?
- The way I dress.
- Whether or how I cut my hair.
- Whether I wear makeup or not.
- Whether I use tampons, a menstrual cup, sanitary pads, or a combination.
- How often I shower and which products I choose.
- What I eat and what I enjoy eating.
- How often I eat.
- Which man I am attracted to.
- The people I choose to talk to—or avoid (unless they are colleagues, a boss, or others I am required to communicate with professionally).
- Whom I meet and stay in contact with.
- Which country I choose to live in.
- Which career path I choose.
- Whom I date or marry.
- Whom I like and whom I dislike.
- Whom I consider my friend and whom I don’t.
- The topics I am interested in.
- My personal likes and dislikes.
- My own thoughts and emotions.
- My opinions.
- My political views.
- Whether I spend time alone or with others.
- How much or how little I choose to speak, and whether I engage in conversation at all.
- My personal beliefs and values.
- What feels comfortable for me, and what doesn’t.
- What time I go to bed.
- How fast or slow I finish my projects and tasks.
- How fast or slow I breathe.
- Which people I look at when I’m outside.
What is not within our right to control?
- How another person dresses.
- Whether or how someone else cuts their hair.
- Whether someone else wears makeup or not.
- How someone else manages their menstrual care.
- How often another person showers and what products they use.
- What others eat and enjoy eating.
- How often another person eats.
- Which person someone else is attracted to.
- Whom another person chooses to talk to—or avoid.
- Whom others meet, stay in contact with, or cut ties with.
- Which country another person chooses to live in.
- Which career path someone else chooses.
- Whom others date or marry.
- Whom another person likes or dislikes.
- Whom others consider their friends or not.
- The topics others are interested in.
- What others like or dislike.
- Another person’s thoughts and emotions.
- The opinions of others.
- The political views of others.
- Whether someone else spends time alone or with others.
- How much or how little another person chooses to speak, and whether they engage in conversation.
- The personal beliefs, values, or boundaries of others.
- What feels comfortable for someone else, and what doesn’t.
- What time another person goes to bed.
- How fast or slow someone else finishes their projects and tasks.
- How fast or slow another person breathes.
- Which people someone else looks at when they’re outside.
In essence, we have the right to control our own choices, but not the choices of others. Respecting personal autonomy is key to healthy relationships and interactions. This list pertains to grown-ups, if a person is a parent, they may have certain rights with regards to a child who hasn’t reached a certain age yet.
If our choices relate to another person, we don’t have the right to make these decisions without the consent of the other person. I have no right to have sex with a person who doesn’t consent to having sex with me, and I don’t have the right to talk to a person who doesn’t consent to talking to me. Another person has no obligation to have sex with me if they don’t want to, and another person has no obligation to talk to me if they don’t want to.
Is there anything you’d add to the list?
Congrats on your latest album, do people actually still use CDs?
On a side note:
I had disabled comments for the past few years due to stalking. I’ve now reactivated them on all posts, so feel free to leave a comment at the bottom of the page. Please stay polite and respectful in your comments—otherwise, I will have to report you to the police! (Just kidding, I will simply delete them).
