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China Elevator Stories
Watch Out for the Passive Man
Have you ever met a guy who’s just too passive to do anything for a woman?
04/11/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
I don’t mind when a man is sensitive, pays attention to details, is introverted and quiet, and reflects on problems.
The passive man, however, can be a great danger to any woman who is feminine. Feminine qualities—as in Yin energy—include being quiet, receptive rather than giving, and being protected by a man. That can also be seen as a Yin energy quality, since aggression and violence may be needed to keep aggressive and violent men away from a woman—not very feminine qualities at all.
My nature is to be a quiet human being, an introvert, and female. I have dated different men and dealt with different men, and those who are too passive to even care about taking you out on a date and paying for coffee are certainly not ones I will choose to date. Some are also too passive to initiate direct and healthy communication, though they may scream at you while keeping themselves hidden—in an indirect, impersonal kind of way.
Passive men are men who don’t stand up and put their own bodies between you and an abuser to make that abuser go away. They are the ones who force you to do everything yourself, who make you run after them, beg for praise, love, or acknowledgment—never giving anything freely on their own accord.
They are so passive that they believe life is happening to them, not that they are the drivers of their own lives and responsible for actively steering the wheel. They sit back, watching life pass them by, and then blame women for not giving them that which they do not deserve—but still think, in their delusional minds, they have a right to receive.
Another man may have worked hard to be with you, but this kind of man simply sees that you once were with a man and now claims he has a right to be with you—even though he isn’t putting in the work to deserve your company, your communication, or your presence. He may think he is good-looking enough (though that’s not true—you’ve already told him he doesn’t measure up to the looks you want in a man), intelligent enough (though he isn’t), and extremely successful in life and career (though the delusion couldn’t be greater).
Merely by having been born with a penis, this kind of man thinks he has the right to be with you—because you are the woman he wants to have sex with and, quite bluntly, to abuse all day, every day. In his mind, there is truly nothing he thinks he needs to do for you to be willing to date him, be with him, become his girlfriend, or even enjoy spending time with him.
Simply having stalked and harassed you will make this kind of man think he is now entitled to being with you and having a relationship with you. He may say the most obnoxious things—such as claiming that since you dated your ex-husband and he, the stalker, viewed you from afar (by reading the articles on your blog), he’s now “putting himself on the list of ex-boyfriends” as well, since he supposedly (in his own words, certainly not in mine) has the looks and intelligence to do so.
This kind of man never asks for permission to talk to you or make statements about you, and couldn’t care less about the true you. All he cares about is taking what isn’t his, and not giving anything back once you discover he has stolen what belonged to you.
He’ll ignore everything you say, yet keep speaking—cussing, threatening, and intimidating you with words. He shouts verbal abuse all the time, yet is so passive when it comes to doing anything a relationship or even a friendship would require. He won’t allow you to think or speak for yourself.
If you take a moment to think about something, he’ll insult you as dumb or insecure. He’s so impatient that he constantly wants your praise and attention, wanting to be associated with you to raise his own status—though he’s nowhere near the level of a man you’d ever consider being with.
He’ll expect you to pay your bills—and his as well. He’ll dig into your purse, stealing your money. When he senses you have some cash, even if it’s meant for necessities like electricity, he’ll take it anyway. He’ll expect you to pay for yourself at a café you never even agreed to meet him at, while wanting to be the center of attention—you sitting there, bowing your head to the “god” he believes he is.
You sitting there alone may be reason enough for him to claim you’re alone and need his company—since, in his mind, you’re “antisocial” if you send him away. And because you’ve said you’re single, he now believes you’re his girlfriend. He sees single women as available for his taking, not as independent human beings.
When I say I’m single, what I mean is: Leave me alone. Don’t bother me. Don’t be annoying to my face, and don’t talk to me, since I don’t enjoy the way you communicate, disrespect quiet people, and degrade women. And no, I don’t want to have sex with you or talk about sex with you.
It’s simple: you’re sitting there, and he believes he has the right to sit down next to you—his face so close you can’t breathe, his body blocking yours so you can’t escape.
When you remind him, “Uh, sorry, but that’s a bit too close, and I don’t know you,” he’ll insist that he and your ex-husband are equals. He’ll claim he’s on par with your ex-husband in looks, communication, and intelligence, and therefore must be treated the same—put on a pedestal, praised daily for his “good looks and intelligence,” while he puts yours down.
Now, if you talk to a woman this way, don’t worry—she’ll never be with you. If you had a functioning brain, you’d recognize social cues and differences, and understand that you aren’t equal to my ex-husband. The way you think life’s math works is not how it works at all. Please go back to school and learn life if that’s the level you’re capable of performing on.
He’ll also expect you to manifest a terrific life for him instead of doing it himself. Rather than creating his own work or looking for a job, he’ll ask his father to pay his bills by hiring him—since no real company would hire him long-term because of his social ineptness and sociopathy. He’s never worked for another person in his life but still gives you advice on how to manage your work, projects, and relationships.
When you hold a mirror to his face, he blames everyone else. Nothing is ever his fault. His inability to get a woman isn’t, in his mind, because he’s incapable of treating women like a gentleman—but because “women are all narcissists who steal money from him.” Therefore, he claims, he must protect himself by not even paying for coffee on a date.
When you tell him you would never, in your life, date a man like him, he blames you. You are the one who is inferior, the one who doesn’t measure up in looks, the one who needs to run after him, compliment him, and degrade yourself to his face.
When you reason with him—that he is the one stalking and threatening you—well, guess what? Now you’re the liar. He’ll say you don’t understand that “all men act like this” and that you’ll “never find a man who will treat you to coffee.” In his mind, being single is not allowed. Living independently and creating your own life is not allowed. You must constantly run after him and tend to his needs and emotions, even though he’s a stranger who forced himself into your life.
This is erotomania—but also other delusional disorders all within one person, making your life a living hell. These illnesses drive his life, not he himself. A healthy person actively builds their life—they are the driver. A passive man thinks life drives him, that the outside world controls him, and that he doesn’t need to contribute anything to a woman’s life to deserve her.
He pretends that the outside world is an illusion and that whatever he wants should be given to him by the woman he’s decided must provide it.
When you tell him, rationally, that he must be out of his mind and that this is not how things work in reality, he calls you the antisocial one—the woman who’s “too dumb to understand how society works.”
Have you ever dealt with a sociopath?