articles
China Elevator Stories
Unconscious, Disrespectful, and Dumb—but Thinks He's the Exact Opposite
When you’re dealing with a narcissist, everything gets turned around.
15/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
One narcissist I’ve had to deal with way too much (because he stalks and harasses me) is someone who constantly tries to draw me into his topics.
I grew up being allowed to simply be myself. I was allowed to be quiet and to have my own personality.
This person? Oh well, it’s daily torture to deal with someone who is completely unconscious.
I’ve clearly stated my boundaries, but he disrespects them anyway—claiming I have no right to boundaries with him. According to him, we’re “oh so close,” and we “couldn’t be any closer.” In reality, he’s incapable of intimacy—in-to-me-see—being vulnerable, sharing his flaws and mistakes, and revealing who he truly is. That’s always a clear sign of narcissism.
He’s only interested in boring stuff (if you ask me—feel free to think he’s into interesting things). But for me, it’s daily torture to have to listen to his dull interests, narcissistic drama, and fabulations about me and him that simply aren’t true.
The topics he’s into are all superficial and shallow. His life revolves around bragging about himself and his father, obsessing over the details of my clothing, and judging whether I’m wearing things “correctly,” whether the color suits me, or whether I’m “pretty enough” to be with him. (Not that I am with him—he just perceives it that way, in his schizophrenic world where we’re supposedly equals, and he’s attractive and intelligent enough to be someone I would choose. In reality, I find him physically repulsive.)
Now, I’m not claiming to be the most beautiful woman—but I have my own standards and make my own choices.
He’s always thinking about looks, about “looking cool,” about clothes and fashion—not that what he wears is particularly fashionable. But he revolves around these topics, thinking he’s superior because of it. In his opinion, I don’t know how to dress myself—I dress poorly, not sexy enough, not fashionable enough—just not “enough.”
As you can see, whatever I do, I’m never good enough in his eyes.
To me, his behavior is laughable. It’s like a child who doesn’t have anything more important to do than obsess over shallow topics. I have much more serious issues to deal with in my life. I don’t have any interest in dressing a certain way just to make him happy. (Usually, this person is never happy anyway.) He may nag all day if I don’t dress the way he wants. He nags if I say fashion isn’t important to me. I’m truly not interested in fashion, or in people who think dressing a certain way gives life meaning. People who live that way are often narcissists. He should spend time with them if he thinks clothes are life’s higher purpose.
In his world, we aren’t two separate people with different opinions, outlooks, and lifestyles. No—he is me. He thinks he knows what I feel, think, and how I should behave. And have I mentioned? He believes he knows everything best, that only he is allowed to have an opinion, and that I must agree with him. Why? Because he grew up in a household with a doctor parent and supposedly has a Master’s degree. This, he claims, makes him a “higher caste” than me. He thinks he’s egalitarian—how ironic, since I didn’t grow up believing a university title makes someone more intelligent or better than others.
No amount of mirroring back to him that he lacks intelligence, common sense, or a purposeful life seems to affect him. He brings none of the qualities a woman would look for in a partner—but somehow thinks he’s superior to everyone. He expects you to date him, have sex with him, and do whatever he demands, just so he can have an “adventure” and get his next adrenaline kick.
He completely lacks a self or individuality. He parrots whatever some incel or right-wing group says. He hides behind online groups, using their opinions against me—claiming many people agree with him. Supposedly, because they’re of “higher standing,” I now need to accept him in my life as my boyfriend or whatever else he imagines himself to be.
Of course, he could never actually maintain a real relationship with a woman. All he does is harass, stalk, act violently, passive-aggressively, and domineeringly. Let me say it again, because it’s intolerable: He’s dumb. Dumb to a disturbing degree.
A person who can’t understand patterns, systems, or basic human rights—who denies another person’s existence while trying to gain access to her projects, finances, relationships, career, or status—is not someone I want to be affiliated with. He’s manipulating someone to get what isn’t his, what he has no right to. He isn’t in love with me, though he’ll claim all kinds of things if he thinks it will help him get what he wants.
Tell him to f*** off? He’ll play the victim, gaslight you, and lie straight to your face about things you never said or did—insisting you did. He’ll act like a baby and force you to be his mother or caretaker, telling you that you “abandoned” him because you didn’t revolve around him, constantly claiming you’re selfish, arrogant, asking for too much, and out of touch with reality to ask a man to behave in a respectful way and respect your boundaries and to stop forcing you to be his caretaker.
The abuse he’s committing is not funny, though he thinks it is. (This is called sadism—it’s sadistic to get satisfaction from torturing another person.) He claims stalking is love. He expects you to take care of him—even as he degrades you to the point where you feel like ending your life. He will never stop violating your boundaries.
Tell him you have rights? “Oh, you’re lying.” “You said you were in love with me and wanted to get f***ed by me.” He’ll come up with the most insane deflections and verbal abuse is all you’ll hear all day long—never letting you have your own words. He’ll insist you meant something else, or that “others” think differently, so your opinion isn’t valid.
He treats you horrifically, alienating you from yourself, not allowing you to be quiet, introverted, or to keep parts of your life private.
Anything serious, anything deep—he kills it. He mocks it. He immediately drags your attention back to some shallow obsession of his, demanding that you become obsessed with it too. I couldn’t be more bored with the topics he constantly circles around and forces into my life. It’s always either relationships, sex, psychology, or looks—but without any depth.
Have you ever dealt with someone so mentally unwell that they’re completely incapable of recognizing their own flaws?