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China Elevator Stories
Triangulation and Control: The Toxic Playbook of a Narcissist
Narcissists are often woke and use triangulation to attack their victims.
03/05/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
The sociopathic stalker I encountered is what would be called “woke.” Woke individuals often perceive unfairness where there is none. To be clear, this is not about real victims who have genuinely experienced unfair treatment. Rather, it refers to people—often narcissists—who falsely claim victimhood. A narcissist may insist they have been treated unfairly when that is not the case, and if they do this repeatedly, blaming various individuals, they may fall into the “woke” category.
For example, a man might consider it unfair that women have the right to make their own choices. He then blames women for “taking away his freedom,” refusing to recognize that it’s not unfair for a woman to have rights. He may argue that he is entitled to freedom, and that women shouldn’t have rights because that would interfere with his ability to enjoy the freedom to make the decisions in a woman’s life instead of her. These justifications are typically irrational and disconnected from reality.
This particular stalker isn’t very intelligent and struggles to understand basic concepts. If your brain doesn’t function properly, you can’t perceive reality correctly. When he reads something online, he can’t tell whether it’s true—he believes whatever suits his agenda. Reality doesn’t matter to him; only his internal narrative does. Human rights and civil liberties are ignored unless they benefit him. In his mind, “freedom” means he’s free to stalk you, intrude on your life, and call you selfish for setting healthy boundaries.
A mentally healthy person has a well-functioning brain. A narcissist’s mind, however, can often malfunction entirely. You find yourself constantly arguing with someone who tramples your boundaries, invades your life, and torments you despite your clear “no.” He won’t stop because, in his mind, you deserve poor treatment.
You can’t argue back without being labeled ungrateful, selfish, a narcissist, or something else that doesn’t reflect who you truly are. According to him, he’s the one who understands the world—because he’s the “ultra-intelligent” man, right?
He won’t stop arguing. He’ll insist that you are defective. If you assert your rights or ask him to stop, he’ll dismiss your right not to be verbally abused, shouted at, or punished for having boundaries. He refuses to accept that you’re a separate individual with your own thoughts, feelings, and desires. He’ll provoke you until you snap and start screaming, after being subjected to his torment all day, every day.
Eventually, he’ll push you into the emotional state described by the Bach Flower remedy Gorse—a condition any long-term victim of a narcissist would recognize. You may begin to wish for your own death, because it feels like the only escape from his relentless abuse. It may seem like the only way to finally experience peace and freedom from someone so delusional about who you are, what you deserve, and how you should be treated.
*I asked ChatGPT for a translation of the German term ‘Streitsucht,’ because this is what the person I’m referring to suffers from. Anyone who has to deal with them will constantly be drawn into unnecessary and pointless arguments, leaving you feeling completely crazy in the end. They’ll gaslight you with lies and fake arguments for hours, never allowing you to simply say ‘no’ and have it respected the first time. This is how ChatGPT explains it: “The German term ‘Streitsucht’ can be translated to English as ‘argumentativeness’ or ‘compulsive argumentation.’ It refers to a tendency or addiction to engage in arguments or conflicts, even when they are unnecessary or avoidable.”
He’ll quote things like the Law of Divine Oneness and claim you are “one” with him. Not out of genuine spirituality, but as a tool to control you—twisting spiritual ideas to assert dominance. In his view, he has the right to make decisions for you, to control your behavior, and to punish you if you don’t submit. You’re expected to tolerate his constant verbal abuse, all while praising him for being a self-proclaimed life coach—despite his poorly designed website and lack of real life experience—having experienced adverse events, being autonomous enough in life to have transformative life experiences, being neutral and intelligent enough to be a life coach, as well as not using this position just so he can abuse others.
He’ll exploit you for narcissistic supply with no regard for laws or ethics. If he wants money, he’ll try to manipulate or pressure you into giving it to him, ignoring your own needs or responsibilities. If he’s after your reputation, he may demand credit, visibility, or validation from your work and react aggressively if you refuse.
When you finally try to leave or protect yourself, he turns the tables: now you’re the narcissist, you’re abusive, you’re the villain. He’ll throw tantrums like a child, demanding your attention and care, guilt-tripping you for distancing yourself—as if you were abandoning a helpless victim.
And when that doesn’t work, he’ll escalate. He’ll involve others—talk about his father, make threats, try to intimidate you, and sabotage your other relationships. He’ll act as if you need his permission to live your life and if he’s allowed to fix it (when in reality, not you need fixing, but him).
In a healthy relationship, you’re allowed to have privacy and boundaries. You’re treated with respect and care—not like a slave to someone else’s whims or like a glass vase expected not to shatter when smashed to the floor. But to him, privacy is meaningless. If he wants something, you’re expected to hand it over. I’ve never met anyone as mentally ill as this person—and I’ve met many sick individuals, including one who tried to throw his ex-wife out of a window.
He may start to triangulate so intensely that he creates a competition between you and his dad, whom he constantly brings into the dynamic to manipulate you—for example, by repeatedly talking about his dad and fabricating a “relationship” between you and his dad that doesn’t exist in reality, but which he is emotionally constructing through his dysfunctional behavior.
Triangulation can occur even when the third person isn’t physically present. A manipulative individual might frequently mention someone else—telling you what that person allegedly did or said (or didn’t)—as a way to influence or control you. They may use this third person to provoke a reaction, often painting them as highly admired, successful, beautiful, or intelligent to make you feel inferior (doing so purposefully). This tactic is also used to invalidate your perspective by suggesting that the third person agrees with them—framing it as two “correct” viewpoints against your “incorrect” one.
In some cases, they may escalate the situation by claiming that the third person is taking legal action or making other threats designed to instill fear. Sometimes, the third person is actually doing so—but after hours of hearing about it nonstop, you might feel like the person is a bit too attached to you, treating you like a therapist. Not that he’ll be paying you, of course, for having to listen to his trashy ideas for four full hours—without your consent, and while being verbally abused in the process. This form of triangulation creates unnecessary drama and conflict—and is deeply manipulative and emotionally exhausting. It often leaves the person targeted feeling humiliated and overwhelmed.
Triangulation refers to the involvement of a third party in a situation that should only involve two people. The term is rooted in the word “three” and typically describes a dynamic in which someone—often a narcissist—intentionally brings in another person to create a “two-against-one” scenario. This tactic is often used to manipulate perceptions and gain control, making the narcissist appear more powerful than they truly are.
When someone engages in triangulation, it often reveals their inability to confront issues directly. Instead, they rely on others to support or enable their abusive behavior. Narcissists may involve multiple people to keep you entangled in ongoing conflict, forcing you to constantly respond to different individuals. They might manipulate others into attacking you on their behalf, effectively abusing you by proxy, while also spreading false narratives to isolate and discredit you.
In more severe cases, narcissists may triangulate using authority figures or institutions—such as the legal system or law enforcement—that are meant to protect victims. Unfortunately, these systems sometimes fail to recognize the real victim and may inadvertently empower the abuser. This failure can have tragic consequences. For instance, in cases of femicide, many women sought help from police but were not taken seriously, only to be killed later.
Have you ever dealt with someone who thought the world owed him whatever he wanted, just because he wanted it?