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China Elevator Stories
Do Narcissists Research Narcissism?
When a person enters your life telling you they’ve researched narcissism, be careful. They might be a narcissist.
18/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
I researched information about narcissism in 2019, when I first came across this personality disorder, because of the problems I had experienced in my marriage. I did so privately, because I was trying to figure out what was wrong with my ex-husband.
I have found that certain narcissists (stalkers I am still dealing with on a daily basis, no matter if I want this or not) research narcissism too. They don’t research it like normal people, though. Some may read up on knowledge about narcissism to one-up you. They do so in order to harass people who aren’t narcissists, to claim they know everything best, and to isolate you from friends and family by claiming someone is a narcissist and you aren’t allowed to have contact with that person. (And some people they claim are narcissists may be narcissists, but as a grown-up, you have every right to decide for yourself if you want to have contact with a certain person or not.)
Now, if a person is more knowledgeable and you could be killed, and they are protecting you so you don’t get killed, that’s another story. But in normal scenarios, where a person isn’t dangerous to you, and you have enough knowledge and life skills to deal with narcissists or to lead normal relationships, then you certainly don’t need to listen to a malignant narcissist who is trying to isolate you from everyone in your life. These people usually claim everyone’s a narcissist. And even though I agree that there are many malignant narcissists—and that’s why we’re having so many problems as truth-tellers, for example, people who point out abuse—narcissists do so with another goal: to isolate you from people, to stop you from being social or happy (if talking to people makes you happy), and to remain the only person in your life. This, certainly, says a lot about them—not about you.
I have encountered two narcissists who, when confronted with real knowledge about narcissism, used this knowledge against me. I have certainly tried to push these stalkers out of my life so they’ll leave me alone. One is particularly childish and has put my life at risk I don’t know how many times by his childish, irresponsible behavior. He doesn’t ever think about another person and is truly the most selfish person I have ever encountered. He’s the kind of person who sees things by taking out just one little part to concentrate on, then projecting some kind of story onto it, and acting on impulse—putting others in danger all the time. He has also adopted the brainwashed beliefs of incels he has turned to for support.
He doesn’t respect a single boundary and has made it clear that he ignores all my wants, needs, everything I say, and takes whatever isn’t his, pretending it’s his. These people are greedy, reckless, and arrogant. I don’t want him in my life? Well, he’ll force himself into it, making any kind of claim that he has a right to this and to that—to my body, to my life, to my projects, etc. This person’s behavior is disgusting, and it is constant.
He uses the excuse of “helping others” to receive what he isn’t entitled to have (without helping in a meaningful way, and one that works for you), and when you don’t give him what he’s trying to blackmail you into handing over, he’ll resort to all kinds of harassment, including the most horrific put-downs and degrading behavior. He does this in a hidden way, so others aren’t able to catch wind of it—because if they did, he might have to stop. No, he wants access to my resources, wants to command me in my projects, and even when you tell him that you don’t want him or his selfish energy involved, that you think nothing of him (he’s just another person suffering from a severe superiority complex because he’s a “star”), and that he has proven how incapable he is of being mindful, of acting with a conscience, or of considering others when they need to work—and that your work is yours alone, and none of his business—he’ll still ignore it. He’ll insert himself into any project you’re doing anyway and act like he’s the “princess of everything.”
He’ll then think he’s superior for managing another person’s life and projects—though the life he has inserted himself into now has no more meaning, has been stripped of purpose, quietude, silence, attentiveness to what really matters, and has simply been destroyed by a person too selfish to ever consider another person’s rights and needs.
When you give him honest feedback, he’ll start a smear campaign where he is the king of everything and everyone, does everything right, has dated the most perfect queen of hip-hop, and won’t hear any down-to-earth criticism that simply addresses his out-of-bounds behavior. Not that I would ever date a man who has dated a person like that and proven how sick he is by not having healthy boundaries with other sick people. But, oh well, now you’re dealing with yet another problem: severe erotomania and emotional incest.
Then, when you don’t want to hear his sick stories about you and him, and how you have wronged him so much, and how you are such a bad person doing all these evil things, he’ll resort to violence when you tell him to shut his mouth and leave you alone.
You don’t want to blog about these things? He’ll still force you to. You don’t want to send certain emails? He’ll coerce you into doing so, leaving you with no other choice.
The two narcissists who have become a problem too big for me to deal with—because they use extremely unfair means, constant manipulation, and have ganged up on me more times than I can count—are constantly researching narcissism and reading a lot of information about it to then use against their victims. So if a person is knowledgeable about narcissism, know that it doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t a narcissist. They may simply use this knowledge to enter your life, claiming you have similar interests.
(Not that I’m even interested in researching this topic or writing about narcissism—I’m doing so in the hope that these people will one day leave my life forever and let it become the life I deserve, not the black hole of abuse they’ve turned it into.)
I’m also writing because I am constantly being harassed, and this person is forcing me to blog about him and his sick behavior—even though I don’t want to write about it at all. I just want him to stop his disturbing behavior and be gone from my life. I don’t deal with people like this by talking to them or blogging about them. Normally, I go no contact and let them deal with the fact that they’re no longer getting any attention. Because that’s all they seem to want—attention, no matter if it’s positive or negative.
I have told him again and again that my blog is not a narcissism blog. It is supposed to be a blog about China, featuring stories about Chinese people and conversations with them—not blog articles where I share some kind of narcissism knowledge.
They are talking about narcissists all the time, but they aren’t ever resolving anything or turning within to deal with their own issues. They are merely claiming they are the narcissist expert, a therapist who now needs to make you go to some kind of informal therapy, and the know-it-all when it comes to your life and your relationships.
They’ll do therapy on you without your consent, will talk over your head with you having to listen to what they say, not being allowed to voice your own opinion, then creating a false narrative about you as though you weren’t present. Then, when you ask them to stop their childish behavior, they will just up their bullying, leaving you with no more “no” you can say to make them leave you alone and no more boundary you can set so they’ll stop their bullying to your face.
Like I said, their behavior is out of bounds. They don’t ever consider another person’s needs, rights, safety, who she is, that she has a right to live a life free of them—where she isn’t constantly harassed and where she isn’t harassed with a story of having to be in a relationship with a man who is simply not on her level (but constantly claims he is so evolved and superior to her). No, you aren’t, and I will accept nothing less than you leaving my life forever and leaving me alone forever.
Writing a few songs—well, that’s just cheap. Doing nothing else, just writing songs to then try and manipulate me, and then guilt-tripping me, because certainly a lie that has been turned into a song isn’t a lie but some kind of superior hoover I need to accept? Because I am such a lower human being that that’s all I’m going to get, and everything else are things I will need to provide for the man, not things he’ll need to provide for me?
Also, the bad treatment I am receiving is what I am supposed to accept, because he’s such a superior man and I am such a lower human being. I have heard this story about me—I don’t know for how many years—but certainly, a narcissist who claims such things won’t be allowed in my life.
It is setting boundaries that is needed, not creating yet another drama or narcissistic theater others have to watch helplessly, without being able to make it stop—because no “no” is ever respected.
I don’t allow greedy, selfish people to remain in my life. Period.
They’ve created a meaningless existence, where everything I do and say is controlled, scrutinized, commented on, and I’m constantly being harassed by immature men I want nothing to do with, who keep me from living a life that is an adult life, free of sabotage and harassment and immature drama and whining about how this woman has done so much evil to them. Their behavior feels weak and effeminate, and it doesn’t strengthen the other person when all they do is sabotage, put blocks in her way no matter what she does, and don’t accept her femininity and introversion.
I don’t want to go to war with men as though I were one of them. But they aren’t allowing me to have a quiet moment or time spent well—doing that which matters, concentrating on what is important to me—without disruption, usually by putting some insignificant matter in the way. Usually, these matters have to do only with them: some kind of false claims about me, some kind of relationship drama they have made up in their schizophrenic world, and trying to draw me into acting childishly and living a purposeless life just like them.
When you know what freedom feels like and have experienced it for many years, you’ll also know the hell of being stuck with a narcissist you didn’t willingly choose to have in your life. And you’ll certainly know the hell of dealing with a dumb person on a daily basis who never shuts up, never lets you rest, never lets you concentrate on what really matters—not insignificant occurrences that don’t need to be blown out of proportion—especially when you’re a person who doesn’t complicate matters but simply deals with them hands-on.
When you ask for help—ask the narcissist to reinforce your boundaries—he’ll just start whining that he is the victim of you, do nothing so that you’ll be harassed even more, and enable the stalker to torture you endlessly. There is no conscience. All down-to-earth, critical, thoughtful behavior has gone out the window. Everything is only about him and his arrogant, selfish needs all the time, and about how you, the bad, evil woman, have wronged him so much.
This will go on and on and on. And when you point things out to him, so he’ll stop his boundary violations, he’ll simply ignore you, pretend you just said something else, pretend you don’t have a right to say that to him—because he’s superior to you, in intelligence as well as looks (that’s how he acts all the time). And on and on the narcissistic drama goes, where he’s just ruining your day, every day, and takes no accountability for respecting your boundaries so you can get out of the problems these narcissists have created in your life.
You told him you don’t want to blog about narcissism or the stalking you’ve experienced, and that he’s a grown-up who needs to do his own work and reinforce your boundaries. He’ll just throw you under the bus because you pointed out that he has flaws and isn’t acting like a grown-up and like a man, but is pushing you into the male role.
Then he’ll laugh at you, because you have no more means to get out of a severe situation, and he’ll watch while you’re having to deal with all sorts of things that aren’t great to deal with.
The narcissism knowledge narcissists acquire will also be used against you in another way. They will isolate you from everyone you know, and they will also start smearing people in videos who are spreading knowledge about narcissists and about going no contact. With a narcissist who is ruining your life and who has resorted to the most unfair tactics, certainly, any woman with higher standards will go no contact and won’t allow a man to do that to her or in her life. They will constantly claim you’re a bad, evil person who has no conscience for trying to go no contact with them. That’s the wrong way around. Anybody who claims you don’t have to go no contact with a person who is trying to destroy you, kill you or otherwise make you have nothing left in your life, who enmeshes in your relationships and constantly comments negatively about people in your life who are important to you, who is trying to destroy these relationships, smears these people to your face, while also smearing your name, simply won’t be allowed in my life. Going no contact with a person who constantly pushes their responsibilities and problems onto me is completely legitimate, particularly if he sees me as the enemy and works to sabotage all my efforts.
But these narcissists will smear the real authorities on this topic and gaslight you into believing you need their help. (I mean—what help, really? I did everything myself, trying to get rid of a severe stalker, and many other things. This particular person mentioned above is way too passive to deal with people himself but makes you deal with problems you aren’t equipped to resolve.)
Have you ever been coerced to do things against your will?