articles
China Elevator Stories
"My Chinese friends are eager to meet you"
Being introduced to people in China is different from what I’m used to in Austria.
25/03/2014
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
In the summer of 2012, I visit my friend in her hometown, Changsha. She had told me before that everyone is eager to meet me, including her grandparents—especially her grandfather, who had helped me find my Chinese name according to traditional principles (known as the “Four Pillars of Life” in English)—as well as her mother and friends.or ‘Four pillars of life’ in English), her mother, her friends.
One day, we go to her grandparents’ place. Another day, we meet up with friends for karaoke. On yet another day, we meet up with friends for dinner. The reaction is the same no matter where we go or whom we meet: there hardly seems to be any reaction at all. Nobody seems interested in getting to know me in the way I’m used to. No questions, no talking—I’m present, but I feel invisible at the same time.
I talk about this with a friend from Switzerland who encountered a similar situation a few years ago. While she was staying with her Chinese in-laws in Yunnan’s countryside, people would make surprise visits. Strangers she didn’t know would drop by mainly to meet her—the Swiss girlfriend of a local guy.
It terrified her—having to meet all these strangers when she would have rather spent the time preparing for her exams.
But when she went downstairs to the living room to meet them, she discovered that nobody asked any questions. She found out that she only needed to be present, and that was it. There wasn’t much talking required, nor did she have to answer many questions. She was really relieved once she realized that not much was expected of her besides showing up and saying hello. She still had enough time to focus on her studies.
My encounters in Changsha prepare me for visiting my in-laws and all of my husband’s relatives less than a year later. I don’t expect people to ask many questions when we are introduced. You go somewhere to visit, and then you can just sit down, watch TV, read a book, or even lie down on a bed and relax.
Have you ever been surprised by cultural differences like these?