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China Elevator Stories
When a Man Pushes His Sexuality Onto You
Certain men are violating boundaries by pushing their sexuality onto you.
04/11/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
A huge problem I have encountered in recent years, and it truly is huge, is men “making themselves appear attractive to you in a sexual kind of way.”
Usually, these are men who are not self-confident with regard to their appearance but think they are extremely sexy. Such men are usually also out to have sex with anyone they deem they want to have sex with, and if you are the unfortunate person who crossed their path … you know, one day in September, when heavy grey clouds were covering the sky and rain was falling, and you were thinking about grabbing a freshly baked bread roll from the nearest bakery—not thinking this would be the day that started the worst episode of your life—it may have been you who the stalker saw and started fixating on.
I believe such men have always existed, but more and more men think they need to act promiscuously to get a woman’s attention, and that simply because they are showing off their biceps or whatever else they deem so attractive and sexy about themselves, they have been drawn into a false belief that appearing half or completely naked makes them desirable to any woman. It doesn’t cross their mind that women don’t want to be harassed by men running around naked, and that no amount of showing off will make a woman attracted to them if she simply isn’t into him or doesn’t consider looks to be the sole defining factor in choosing a man.
Online, many such men can be found posting fitness videos or their own videos on platforms such as YouTube, TikTok, or others, portraying themselves as being able to get any woman with their looks—particularly their body. Usually, these men lack true self-confidence, and my ex-husband is a good example of a man who trained for at least 90 minutes every day in order to look more attractive. I believe doing some sport is healthy for almost anyone, but doing it to the extreme is unnecessary, particularly when life would have required him to change his priorities to taking care of his children or preparing breakfast instead of training his body.
He wasn’t confident about his looks, since he had low self-esteem regarding how his body looked—and this is what I have observed in many of these men. Now, while I believe working on your physical appearance works with some women, others—those who aren’t only into having sex with a man—care about many other things, and a man’s looks may not be her top priority (though she may also not choose to be with a man she finds unattractive, since as women, we usually have sex with the people we are in a relationship with and don’t want to be grossed out by a man’s physique).
But anyway, putting too much importance on your body’s looks may put women off. In my case, it certainly does, and I run as fast as I can when I see a man who has that vibe—the vibe of showing his half-naked body to women to get them into bed, basically harassing women who aren’t interested in having sex with him and who aren’t attracted to men with overly muscular bodies, but who care about a man’s personality. (And yes, it can be a combination—I have never fallen in love with a man I didn’t find attractive, but the character of a man counted a lot. Physical attraction was simply a requirement for wanting to be with someone, but not the only thing that mattered.)
If you look at couples around the world, those who choose their own mates usually choose a person they find attractive—whether that’s their face or their body.
Such men aren’t always easy to spot, though certain signs can be that they constantly want to talk to you about sex, or impose their sexual preferences on you (even when he is a stranger you want nothing to do with), or they may even start an online campaign where they put themselves out there half or completely naked (though some may hold a paper sign to cover their penis). You may have clicked a link unknowingly, ending up on a website where they showed off how they looked half-naked. Or they may have pushed their body onto you.
Some of these men may walk around wearing only trousers but showing off their upper body, clearly for you to see—not just wearing fewer clothes in summer, but constantly blocking your view so you’ll look at their body instead of the blue sky, the trees, the lake and the swans swimming in it. They may want to appear extremely sexy to you and may also start talking in a sexy voice. When you tell them to leave you alone (sorry for repeating myself here, I’ve been dealing with quite a few deranged men), they may up their ante.
One of the stalkers I have (and I believe I know which one it was, but he’s denying it was him, as he always denies everything, even things he must have done because it’s obvious it couldn’t have been anyone else) has recently started blocking me from being able to search for certain medicine on Taobao—medicine I desperately needed to buy to stop heavy blood flow (my menorrhagia has gotten out of control, though I have been able to get it somewhat under control with a TCM herbal formula that’s cheaper online than at a pharmacy)—by not having the medicine appear when I searched for it.
It takes advanced hacking skills to do so, and I know only one person who is able to do this: a famous singer who is making my life a living hell by constantly blaming me for what other people have done to me and denying his actions, even when I caught him in the act. He also made sure pictures of (quite disgusting) penises would appear on Taobao whenever I was searching for the medicine—something that had never happened before.
It is the same person who has hacked into all my accounts, changed the code on ChatGPT so it would answer incorrectly or not help me get tasks done, and who is constantly changing my titles in WordPress. He is destroying everything I create and is simply out for revenge because I told him I want nothing to do with him and that I don’t find him kind or nice enough — though that is certainly what he constantly proclaims about himself. He probably also took revenge because I met up with a German man in Tai’an who flirted with me, but whom I didn’t date, have a sexual encounter with, or have a relationship with — not that this would be any of his business.
I’m getting bored of receiving death threats from him just because a “man” appeared somewhere and talked to me—and also because I am single and have clearly told him that I want him out of my life, something he constantly denies and doesn’t allow me to be or say.
Furthermore, he doesn’t allow me to relax at any point in time and makes sure that even when I’m not using my phone or computer, things will appear near my apartment. I have had words appear on cars in the morning that directly spoke to my situation, on rooftops of houses where he knew I would walk by, on huge advertisements (don’t ask me how he bought them—I mean, he must be a millionaire at this point, though he certainly never shared any information about what he owns or how much money he makes). A pullover appeared in a phone booth near my place the day after I lost my scarf—without me having told anyone. Chinese characters appeared overnight near my home in Vienna, which is certainly a rare sight and pointed to him.
He has kept me in a constant state of vigilance, always knowing what I am up to and what I am doing.
If you think this is romantic, it is not. It is being harassed by a stalker who doesn’t accept my boundaries, which I have clearly communicated a million times. After I decided not to have him in my life (which I did a long time ago), he went on a rampage and made my life a living hell. But even before that, he had already made my life a living hell — and, as is the case with all incels, he doesn’t see his own fault but constantly blames women for being bad, evil, and flawed, instead of realizing that he is the one causing the rejection through his horrific, antisocial, and degrading behavior.
His attitude towards life is certainly not one I share, and to be honest, I hope he’ll rot in hell for what he has done to me (he hasn’t only stalked me but also done other horrific things to me; he is one of the worst people I have ever met).
He is always negative and blamatory, blaming me for having attracted so many stalkers into my life, and believes that I am responsible for men stalking me—not the men themselves. He constantly blames me, blames me, blames me. That blame is unnecessary and makes my life extremely unenjoyable.
My life used to be easy; I enjoyed quiet days and going for walks. But this person constantly creates some kind of drama or catastrophe and wants to drag me down to his level of incompetence. I mean, how often do you have to tell a person you aren’t into him, you don’t find him great at all, you don’t like his looks, and that you don’t want to hear him verbally abuse you all the time?
He always looks at life with a negative mindset, and I don’t want to constantly have this negativity spill over. I am not talking about situations that should be taken seriously (he has recently made fun of me for trying to get help but not being able to—simply having people watch as I am being harassed, stalked, and having other things happen to me that were not my fault). I am talking about situations where no judgment is necessary, no bad words need to come out of anyone’s mouth, and where he wasn’t invited to comment negatively and destroy the mood or the morning (yet again, through HIS NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR, which is certainly his fault and no one else’s—and it’s my right to point out when his negativity affects me, even though this has been another thing he has tried to forbid me from pointing out).
Now, I have distanced myself so many times, basically daily, but he makes sure to track and stalk my every move and appear wherever I am, be it online or offline, by sending yet another person he contacted behind my back after me. He is horrific and won’t stop harassing me, claiming I need to tell him how kind a person he is, thinking of himself as a Mother Teresa who has saved me and my life—instead of destroying it horrifically by stalking me, following me, abusing me, threatening me, and projecting things onto me that no one would ever want to hear on repeat every single day.
Have you ever been harassed by a person who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer?