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China Elevator Stories
Why It Is Important to Write About AMWF Relationships That Didn’t Work Out
We tend to read a lot about AMWF relationships that worked out, but less about those that didn’t.
24/08/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Some AMWF (Asian Male, Western Female) relationships work out, while others don’t
As I have come to realize, human beings have a tendency to want to hear about relationships that worked out—love stories that resemble Hollywood romances. They enjoy celebrating AMWF couples who have stayed together.
Two examples of successful AMWF marriages between an American woman and a Chinese man are author Nicki Chen, who stayed married to her Chinese husband until his passing, and Jocelyn Eikenburg, who has been married to a Chinese man named Jun Yu, whom she met in China in 2002.
Another couple that has stayed together is former blogger and YouTuber Grace Buchele Minata, an American woman who is married to a Japanese man. Although she has stopped vlogging and blogging, she has shared a 2023 update revealing that the couple now has children together.
However, when AMWF relationships don’t work out, we may be less inclined to want to hear about them. As I see, it’s still important to share information about AMWF relationships that didn’t work out.
Why is it important?
If we only read about successful AMWF relationships, we can easily get a skewed perception. Without stories of relationships that didn’t work out, we might be led to believe that these relationships are more likely to succeed, or that only positive AMWF relationships exist.
Some of us may not share how our relationships fell apart because we feel ashamed. If many others’ relationships worked out just fine, wouldn’t we be the ones to blame for ours not working out?
What constitutes a successful relationship?
A friend once said it perfectly: Within our generation, any relationship that lasted for a certain number of years is a successful relationship. Relationships aren’t always easy, and sometimes the end of a relationship is unavoidable.
As I see it, this is simply life. When we can’t foresee the future, how are we supposed to know if a relationship will work out or not? There is no shame in ending a relationship that hasn’t worked out or has become abusive.
We may have sworn to ourselves when we got married that we would never end up in the same situation as couples who divorced, but then we ended up divorcing anyway.
Have you ever been in an AMWF relationship that ended?