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China Elevator Stories
Why I Left Europe: Family, Safety, and the Threat of War
Is Europe on the brink of war?
03/10/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Dear readers,
my thoughts are with you these days. I live in China, where I feel relatively safe, observing with shock what is unfolding in Europe. At the same time, I have long been aware that an attack from Russia is possible. One of the reasons I returned to China was precisely that I did not want to be in Europe if a true World War broke out. I felt I had to leave early—before it became too late to secure tickets, visas, or job offers abroad, once those opportunities were already taken by others fleeing the same danger. Some may consider this paranoid, but I believe the circumstances in my personal life justified leaving regardless. I always assumed Russia might attack a single country, not several at once, yet their actions now suggest a broader strategy. At least, that is how it appears to me.
Before I decided to leave, I read books about Jews in Germany during World War II to help me make up my mind. I listened to what they wrote about their experiences, how they were treated by the Nazis, and I considered how many years it took—from being legally “normal” citizens (albeit treated as inferior in the past) to being deported to concentration camps and, ultimately, death. Once it’s too late, it’s too late.
I have not written about this motive before, as people are quick to label such thoughts as paranoia. Many are unwilling to call the danger of war what it truly is. They prefer to insist that everything is fine, will always be fine, and that war could never return to European soil (ignoring the fact that it had already begun in Ukraine years ago). But paranoia is the invention of dangers that do not exist. Recognizing genuine threats is not paranoia; it is being realistic. Protecting oneself from a narcissist who is demonstrably dangerous is not paranoia. Leaving Europe when patterns of fascism are re-emerging is not paranoia either—provided one is perceptive enough to see those patterns. By contrast, convincing yourself that a harmless person is a mortal threat, and withdrawing from life out of imagined fear, is paranoia. This is especially clear in the case of men who treat every woman, or anyone they meet (or even never meet), as inherently dangerous.
Another reason I left was the relentless persecution I experienced from narcissists, which forced me to protect myself by leaving—if not to be safe, then at least safer. Vienna no longer felt like a secure place for people like me: truth-tellers, bloggers, introverts, or women. Perhaps it was the combination of all these traits. I watched in shock as the environment deteriorated. This was not the Vienna I remembered. Though memory can deceive, I heard enough people speak of the decline to know I was not alone. Innocent people like myself were experiencing persecution and other severe consequences. I wanted only to live and survive, yet narcissists target those they perceive as “isolated enough,” without protection, or weaker than themselves. Extroverted narcissists often pursue introverts obsessively; incels target outspoken women, insisting these women have no rights and must accept any man who claims to be their “equal.” I personally encountered two such men who tried to kill me and destroy my life, relationships, and work in every imaginable way.
And of course, another reason I left was the hope of reuniting with my children—something I was fortunate to achieve after nearly six years apart. Still, I do not see them nearly as often as I wish, since my ex-husband blocks contact and visits most of the time.
As I see it, a war in Europe may be inevitable, though I continue to hope the situation can be reversed.
When we were growing up, we often wondered how World War II could have happened. Today, although I still cannot fully grasp why people behave so recklessly, I can at least observe the dynamics that make such tragedies possible. Chief among them is the rise of extreme egotism—people caring only for their own needs and disregarding others. This unchecked selfishness, coupled with malignant narcissism, leads some to conclude that others have no right to live, to own property, or to direct their own lives.
What I still struggle to understand is how so many can be so easily deceived, blind to the realities before them. To me, it feels as though they cannot see the forest for the trees.
There is little resistance to the silencing of dissent, the erosion of democracy, and the curtailing of rights. A great many people remain silent, shielding abusers and those in power. Many insist that others do not truly mean harm. Yet if one understands narcissists, one knows they rarely mean well—they only pretend to. Recognizing this allows you to distinguish between what a person says and what they truly intend, which in the case of a narcissist is often the exact opposite. With non-narcissists, words generally align with meaning. The concept is simple, but the reality is complicated when most people conceal their opinions and refuse to speak openly. This makes it impossible to know how many truly oppose the loss of freedom, how many remain unaware, how many are less affected, or how many actively enjoy the suppression because they are narcissists themselves, benefiting from the silencing and persecution of others.
Still, I hope war will not come—but I remain pessimistic. Let us cross our fingers and hope that it can still be prevented.
By the way, did you know that I am not allowed to talk about the Russia–Ukraine war here at my university? And that my contract at my last university was not extended when I did, not realizing it was a taboo subject? My students had not even heard of it, which I found quite shocking.
Do you think war is inevitable?