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China Elevator Stories
“Grown-up Narcissists” vs. “Baby Narcissists”
I have found that there are two distinct kinds of narcissists.
26/08/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Dear readers, today I would like to share an observation I have made between two distinct types of narcissists. Both can be malignant, but the latter is definitely the kind you don’t want to encounter on a daily basis if you are a grown-up who isn’t too interested in living life as though you were still a little child.
These two types are what I will call “grown-up narcissists” vs. “baby narcissists.” I am calling the latter baby narcissists not because they are true babies (we shouldn’t ever call any babies or children narcissists, since they all deserve to be treated with the due respect and care of a grown-up or parent), but because they act as though they are still babies.
“Grown-up Narcissists”
“Grown-up narcissists” may be dangerous and malignant, but they are able to function fairly well in real life, and they may carry enough of their own responsibilities to go undetected for longer periods of time. These are the kinds of narcissists who can own a company and lead it effectively, because even though they are narcissists, they manage their own lives fairly well and are able to function in society.
They may abuse their children — some more than others — but they still take on enough responsibility to care for and provide for them, without blaming it on others or making it someone else’s responsibility. They speak like grown-ups and act like grown-ups. Some may or may not be histrionic, and some may be a bit emotionally immature, but overall, these are adults who are able to think like adults and know how much responsibility certain tasks require.
They may sometimes be risk-seeking and may not always protect their children perfectly, but they generally work fairly well as parents and caregivers and will not let their children starve or go without clothing. They are aware of the responsibility they have toward their children, even if they sometimes act self-centeredly.
“Baby Narcissists”
Then there are “baby narcissists,” and these are the kinds of narcissists you should never hand your children over to. They still act like little babies and do not shoulder their own responsibilities. These are usually people who suffer from Peter Pan syndrome, a pattern where adults continue to act and think like children, refusing to let childhood end and often recreating it in adulthood. They fail to take serious situations seriously and avoid their grown-up responsibilities.
When a person is a malignant narcissist and also a “baby narcissist,” this combination can be extremely dangerous. They may act recklessly, including with regard to your life and privacy. They often expect others to play along in a childlike version of “life,” demanding that you participate as if you were also a child.
I have encountered one such narcissist — the sociopathic stalker I have written about on my blog, as well as the singer I have written about — both of whom were so childish that it made me physically sick. They are not only childish in relation to themselves but also toward others, constantly trying to prevent you from taking on your adult responsibilities or acting responsibly with regard to your children and your own life.
These people are reckless when it comes to children or caretaking responsibilities that come with raising children. They may neglect to feed their children properly, dress them appropriately, or teach them basic safety skills, such as crossing the street or riding in a car. While “grown-up narcissists” ensure their children are provided for and safe, “baby narcissists” do not. They act like little babies who cannot take responsibility for another human being, which explains their reckless behavior.
Personal Observations
I would say that my ex-husband behaves like a “baby narcissist,” who does not genuinely care about our children. They are left alone at his home, left to feed themselves, and were not taught any safety skills. When I send them back on Monday morning to his place because I need to go to work in Changchun, he throws a tantrum on WeChat simply because I asked him to take care of his own children. To clarify: he had previously taken the children and dropped them off at his parents’ home for years without teaching them any social, life, or safety skills — which is certainly not responsible adult behavior.
Just yesterday, I had to take a bus to Changchun to teach, which I had informed him of. He then sent me (I don’t know, 30?) WeChat messages blaming me for bringing our children back to his place while he had plans with his father. In the past, he has consistently considered other people more important than my children (and me) and avoided taking care of them himself. I had informed him that I would return our children on Monday morning, yet he refused to adjust his plans or pick them up, even though he has a car, I do not, and he lives nearby.
I told him that he could either postpone whatever he had planned with his father or, if it was urgent, take our children with him and his father in his car.
A responsible parent makes time for their children and integrates them into daily life. Sometimes this means bringing children along to appointments, such as applying for a residence permit or going to a hospital, rather than leaving them home alone — especially when they lack the ability to stay safe by themselves. “Baby narcissists,” however, often refuse to cooperate and leave children unsupervised.
I have looked for a nanny when neither of us has time to care for our children, but I found that fees in Siping are exorbitantly high — well above what a normal employee would earn.
Characteristics of Peter Pan Syndrome
1. Avoidance of Responsibility – Adults with Peter Pan syndrome often struggle to manage finances, work obligations, or family responsibilities. They may rely on others to handle tasks they are capable of completing themselves instead of doing them themselves like other grown-ups would.
2. Emotional Immaturity – These individuals frequently react to stress with tantrums, sulking, or passive-aggressive behavior rather than employing rational problem-solving strategies.
3. Dependency – They may remain reliant on parents, partners, or others for support well into adulthood, avoiding independence or self-sufficiency.
4. Fear of Commitment – Individuals may avoid long-term relationships, parenting, or other responsibilities that require consistent effort and accountability.
5. Self-Centeredness – They often focus primarily on their personal desires and pleasures, showing little regard for the needs of others. This can overlap with narcissistic tendencies.
6. Sexual Immaturity – A sexually immature adult may engage in reckless sexual behavior, disregard a partner’s need for protection, or fail to obtain proper consent. In contrast, sexually mature individuals typically respect boundaries, discuss consent, and use protection.
7. Constantly Speaking in Baby Language – This is not occasional joking or playful behavior but a persistent pattern of infantilized speech that prevents normal adult communication. For example, my first boyfriend in Austria consistently behaved this way, and I had to end the relationship because meaningful conversation was impossible, and he was unwilling to change.
8. Constant Play – Many adults with Peter Pan tendencies treat life itself as a game. They may feel compelled to engage in constant play or role-play “real life,” rather than taking responsibilities seriously.
9. Financial Immaturity – They may struggle to manage their own finances or interfere with the finances of another person. Financial immaturity is common among narcissists who engage in economic abuse, using money as a means of control (I have experienced this from the singer, only to be gaslit when I confronted him about his out-of-control behavior).
“Baby narcissists” may also fail to take work seriously. For instance, the singer I have written about believed I did not need to work or should not work and deliberately created obstacles to prevent me from doing so. No amount of explanation — that I would not be able to create a life for myself or escape the problems certain narcissists, including him, had caused — helped. His goal seemed to be to keep me at a level of mere survival, or not surviving at all. This reflects a pattern observed in narcissistic abuse, where abusers attempt to destroy another person’s life.
“Baby narcissists” act recklessly not only with the lives of others but also with their own responsibilities. Instead of doing what most adults would do, they throw tantrums when asked to shoulder responsibility, push obligations onto others, or refuse to respect boundaries. Some of their behavior may sound like a baby screaming, but can feel extremely uncomfortable and derogatory to the recipient.
Have you ever encountered “baby narcissists”?