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China Elevator Stories
Everyday Sexism (by Laura Bates)
I have observed a rise in sexual assaults.
01/10/2024
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Sexism has always existed, but in recent years, I have observed that the boundaries once in place to prevent the constant sexual harassment of women by men have eroded. Covert sexism has shifted to overt sexism, with men becoming more brazen in their harassment of women, doing so more openly. For women like me, this is a new and alarming trend.
I used to feel comfortable wearing skirts or dresses in summer, but I haven’t done so in recent years due to the slut-shaming and street harassment I’ve experienced in Vienna. A female coworker shared similar experiences with me this year.
Before moving back to Europe, I lived in China, where covert sexism was prevalent, but I was shocked by how rude, overtly sexist, and vulgar men were in Europe.
Repeatedly, I have encountered men who, if they don’t like you, form groups to attack you. I call this “gang bullying”. It seems rooted in weak self-esteem but has happened to me multiple times. When I call out a man for bullying or harassment, he often enlists others to label me as deranged or crazy, further harassing me in a group.
My sister’s ex-husband is just one example of this behavior. When I moved back to Austria in 2019, I noticed problems in my sister’s marriage. I helped her recognize the psychological abuse she was enduring, leading to their separation. Her ex-husband began attacking me after he found out I had helped my sister realize what was going on in their marriage.
He gathered male friends to speak negatively about me, and when they visited our apartment, they would insult me, even though I didn’t know them. One man called me a “parasite” and shamed me sexually. They also made sure I couldn’t cook in the kitchen, wouldn’t be allowed to use the bathroom and toilet, and harassed me even when I was in my room (which had no lock). I therefore tried to stay away from the apartment as much as possible.
On one occasion, my sister’s ex-husband called the police while I was at home (we lived in the flat together), who then entered our flat while I was quietly reading in my room. When they arrived, the three officers were verbally aggressive towards me, accusing me of instigating a fight I had no part in. The police were certain I was the problem, even though I wasn’t. The tactic her ex-husband used is known as “swatting” and is described as a criminal act of deceiving emergency services into sending a response team to someone’s address under false pretenses.
In Everyday Sexism, Laura Bates writes:
“Sexism is an invisible problem. This is partly because it’s so often manifest in situations where the only witnesses present are victim and perpetrator…”
Her words resonate with me, as people often ignored me or dismissed my experiences. I couldn’t understand why others had so much difficulty helping a woman facing sexual harassment, stalking, and bullying.
Bates explains that many people prefer to cling to obliviousness—”I haven’t seen it, so it can’t really exist!”—and that this denial often leads to accusations of exaggeration or lying. After enduring the harassment itself, the secondary victimization of not being believed or being called crazy compounds the trauma.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. When I’ve said “no” to men who harass or try to insert themselves into my life, they often refuse to accept it. The most extreme example is a misogynistic stalker, who is an incel, who has ignored my repeated rejections and continues to pursue me.
Bates addresses the issue women face:
“These three powerful silencing factors—the invisibility of the problem, the social acceptance of it, and the blaming of the victims—are corroborated loud and clear by the reports we received.”
I, too, have experienced this silencing, even from people I thought would support me.
As Bates points out, silencing often starts early: “Many women grow up internalizing dismissive attitudes, making it harder to speak up later in life.” This is true not just for sexual harassment, but also when women report abuse involving their children. In my case, speaking out about my children’s abuse by their father led to the extreme punishment of not being allowed physical access to them by the court, despite having evidence of his actions.
In 2024, women’s rights remain a pressing issue. I’ve often heard men claim that women are treated preferentially, but my experience and that of other women shows the opposite.
One good example where I experienced men being treated better than women was an email I sent a while ago. Two weeks ago, I emailed my hosting provider. I initially received friendly responses when the employee thought I was a man. However, once he realized I was a woman, his tone turned rude, and he was unwilling to help. Rude responses have become my norm, and the surprise were not the rude responses, but the friendly ones when the employee still thought I was a man, not a woman.
Have you had similar experiences?