articles
China Elevator Stories
Empaths, Narcissists, and the Toxic Pull of the Crowd: Why I Protect My Space
Boundaries are important to make space for more of the good, and less of the bad.
10/08/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
When I say “I don’t like your energy,” what I mean is exactly that—not “I want to be gaslit by you into having to like your energy.” When I say I don’t like how negative and blamatory you are, I do not mean “I want to be around you all day and soak up that negativity.” As an empath, I have no way to avoid absorbing that energy. Therefore, I ask you to leave me alone and not constantly leave your energy in my space. If you aren’t an empath, this may sound strange—but if you are, you definitely know what I mean.
A narcissist playing the victim, being extremely immature, and then talking immaturely about his father from morning till night—forcing me to listen without accepting any of my “no’s” or my input that this is enmeshment, immature behavior, not adult behavior in a relationship, and that his daddy issues are not mine to deal with—well, a normal person would simply understand the intent to be left alone, to have privacy, and to not have to take on another person’s issues.
How often have I asked not to hear anything about his father? Many times—which shows the issue is within him, not me. I’m not even friends with this person, so why should I lend a listening ear? If you have no friends because you behave horrifically, are boring, and bother others with extremely antisocial and disruptive behavior and an extreme superiority complex—and then claim it’s because everyone else is a bad person and you were treated horrifically despite being innocent? Well, you aren’t innocent! You are responsible for your horrific behavior. Your poor behavior, your narcissism, your constant fixation on just a few issues, revolving only around yourself, unable to consider another person even once, thinking you’re overly interesting when I’m already bored to death—having been bored to death by a person with no distinct self or personality—well, guess what: you aren’t interesting enough for me to pay attention to.
And by paying attention, I mean natural attention—not the narcissistic demand to get all the attention while others get none, and while other things are not allowed to be noticed. Basically, getting nothing done all day because I have to focus on how a narcissist feels, on some insignificant need I’m coerced into fulfilling—to yet another person I consider completely unworthy of attention. If I find something interesting, I’ll read about it alone, without another person watching or interfering. I find this kind of codependency, where everyone has to share the narcissist’s likes and interests, extremely unappealing. There’s nothing more I need to say—I’m not interested, I don’t like spending time with you, I don’t like you.
And oh God, now the singer has been doing the same, and has been extremely disruptive as well, having learned from his great idol—a sociopathic stalker—who taught him to behave horrifically towards women, degrade them, join incel groups, and worsen his behavior. And that singer he was once dating—sure, I want to put her on a pedestal and see her as (better than I think she is). I am simply not interested. She clearly just wants all the attention, and if I die one day, all my time every day will have been wasted chasing insignificant people who think they are overly important.
If a woman says she’s not interested, there is an appeal in that sentence—please stop, keep your mouth shut in my presence, and leave me alone.
Stop your behavior, act appropriately in real life, and maybe people will want to be around you. (I don’t mean that literally, since probably no one would ever want to be around you, as you are not enjoyable company.)
Again, how many times do I have to tell you to stop talking about your daddy? You talk as though you are a little boy incapable of managing your own relationships in a mature way—and instead, you shove the responsibility onto others. (Also called emotional incest.) Or to the singer, to stop talking about that person who, honestly, isn’t someone I would ever pay attention to on my own free will. There is free will, and I refuse to have it violated by men who are simply not interesting. Not interesting! Not significant, not important (to me or otherwise). Being a famous star doesn’t make you “important”—nothing does. Why the need to feel so important? I simply want to live my life in peace, quiet, and solitude. I am not interested in any histrionic behavior or out-of-control emotions either, since no one should steer the wheel of your life and then drive it into a tree because they are violent, inattentive to important details, not mindful or contemplative, and don’t understand the seriousness of a situation or the rights of others.
When people, like both of you, act as “a crowd,” not individuals, I want nothing to do with them. Only a weak person needs to hide behind “a crowd.” A crowd only gives a weak person without a strong sense of self an identity; a true individual already has an identity and does not need to be part of “a crowd.”
When that crowd is a group of incels or a right-wing party, I want even less to do with them.
I have boundaries with people because that keeps the good in and throws the bad out. I have always had these boundaries, by the way, unlike certain others I know.
A crowd—where many people all share the same opinion (as is often the case in cult-like groups where individualism isn’t allowed, where everyone follows the leader’s opinion, and where an individual self does not exist)—does not make that opinion right. Being greater in numbers does not mean you’re right. If you are talking about “phantom people,” I am constantly being triangulated by narcissists who cite the groups they belong to as being right, me as wrong, and their greater numbers as proof that they are more social, have better relationships, and are right—though they don’t provide actual evidence of discussing me with others. Thus, I call these groups the “phantom crowds” narcissists hide behind.
A large number of men joining incel groups doesn’t necessarily mean they are right; it just means more men have joined such groups than before. Having been born a woman, it is not my responsibility to deal with incel groups or to be tolerant of the intolerant who carry hatred for the innocent—like Nazis carried hatred towards Jews, though the Jews caused no harm.
Elias Canetti, who wrote the book Crowds and Power, was born in Bulgaria and later lived in Vienna after he turned 19. He studied the interplay of crowds and how crowds can influence an individual. This knowledge is especially important today, in times like these, when the dynamics of the crowd are more important than ever to understand—because many people act for “the crowd,” not as individuals who stand alone. I am not one of them; I have always valued the individual and always will. Looking at what happened during World War II, studying crowd dynamics is crucial if we are to learn from history.
In his opinion, crowds have the power to create and destroy power. In my opinion, they also have the power to destroy an individual—easily, especially if malignant narcissists band together and go against an individual who is not malignant, aggressive, or violent.
It is like having two people point guns at your face at the same time, and having no way to stop them.
This is what can happen when two narcissists gang up on one person, confident their actions will never be discovered, never owning up to their behavior, never stopping it—because no one is watching, and no one will know an innocent person died because men joined incel groups and were encouraged to hate women, whom they already treated horrifically, even more. This hatred multiplies, as the weak but seemingly powerful in these groups tell newcomers they are the real victims, victims of women, and that women are inherently bad, evil, dumb, and undeserving of respect or equality with men.
They are welcomed into the group because they already hold derogatory views of women, and their united hatred grows stronger.
The woman who rejected them becomes the evil woman, the woman who must be destroyed. She is often someone who has been abused for years by an abuser, but in these groups, narcissistic men who see themselves as victims (though they are not the actual victims who have suffered violence, rage, and attacks out of nowhere for years) twist the narrative. Who is the true victim? Usually, it’s easy to tell. More often than not, an incel stalked and harassed a woman, caused her to reject him—not that any woman owes dating a particular man, liking him, or putting him on a pedestal, especially one who hasn’t contributed anything positive but has made her life a living hell.
Anyway, for men who gang up on me and label me a narcissist, that is a mistaken accusation. When I am treated like an object—cruelly, not as a human being—it breaks my heart (since a heart can break when you are innocently blamed for others’ wrongdoing and endure too much cruelty). This is cruel treatment, and I know I don’t deserve it. As for a true narcissist, there’s no need to treat them cruelly; we simply need to keep our distance if they are too dangerous to have in our lives or if they have no rightful place in them.
Have you ever been harassed by an erotomanic?