articles
China Elevator Stories
being introduced to people in china
I meet a friend’s grandparents and friends in Changsha.
26/11/2013
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
In the summer of 2012, I visit my friend in her hometown, Changsha. We became friends while she was studying in Vienna and I was working there. In the summer of 2012, we’re both in China at the same time. She had told me before that everyone is eager to meet me—her grandparents (especially her grandfather, who had helped me find my gorgeous Chinese name according to traditional 生辰八字 principles, or “Four Pillars of Destiny” in English), her mother, her friends.
One day, we go to her grandparents’ place. Another day, we meet up with friends for karaoke. And yet another day, we meet up with friends for dinner. The reaction is the same no matter where we go and no matter who we meet. There hardly seems to be any reaction at all. Nobody seems interested in getting to know me in the way I’m used to. No questions, no talking—I’m present, but I feel invisible at the same time.
I talk about this with a friend from Switzerland who encountered the same situation a few years ago. A few years ago, she was staying at her Chinese in-laws’ home in Yunnan’s countryside. Every now and then, somebody she didn’t know would come by and visit, mainly to get to know her—the Swiss girlfriend of a guy from their hometown. It terrified her—having to meet all these people and spend the time it took to get to know them at a time when she would rather spend time on her own to prepare for her final exams. But when she went downstairs to meet them, nobody asked any questions. She found out that she only needed to be present, and that was about it. There wasn’t much talking, and neither were there many questions. She was relieved. That way, she would have enough time to focus on her studies.
My encounters in Changsha prepared me for visiting my in-laws and all my husband’s relatives less than a year later. I didn’t expect people to ask many questions when we got to know each other. You go somewhere to visit, and then you can just sit down, watch TV, read a book, or even lie on a bed and relax. It’s really not a big deal.
Have you ever been surprised by how getting to know someone can be different in different cultures?