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Metacognition: Thinking Critically About the Way You Think
The ability to reflect on our own thoughts is called metacognition.
17/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Metacognition, in short, is the ability to be aware of one’s own thinking. If you are someone who simply repeats what others have told you—believing them to be right just because they said something—and take on their views without question, you may lack the ability to think critically about the process of adopting someone else’s beliefs. You might never stop to consider whether their ideas are true, or whether your own thinking process needs to be questioned. I’ve repeatedly encountered people who seem to lack metacognition.
They’re unable to reflect on their own way of thinking, unable to assess whether their thought process might be flawed, whether they’re making false assumptions, or even whether they can distinguish between what’s real and what isn’t.
One of the biggest problems we’re facing today—especially with extremists of all kinds, and there are many in Central Europe—is that people adopt extreme views without ever questioning their own thinking or the validity of these beliefs. I don’t blame this solely on their upbringing. In many cases, I believe it’s genetic. An opinion is only valid when it aligns with reality. I also value critical opinions only when they genuinely examine problems as they are, from a standpoint that is as neutral and reality-based as possible.
Take this example: If you’re a stalker who abuses his victim, yet you claim you love your victim, you’re either lying—or you lack the awareness necessary to critically examine your own behavior and thinking process. That includes being unable to question whether you’re neutral and self-aware enough to even know the difference between stalking and love.
I believe metacognition is something like an inborn trait. Some people have it, and some simply don’t. Those who don’t are extremely difficult to reason with, because they don’t understand that they’re often asking the wrong questions.
When someone makes a sweeping assumption like “every woman is dumb,” they don’t usually pause to challenge that belief. This inability to question one’s own thoughts is a clear lack of metacognition. It reflects an incapacity to discern whether a statement about others is a fact or a projection, a truth or a lie.
I’ve also dealt with many people who make broad generalizations—about others, and about me—just because someone said something about someone. They don’t ever stop to ask themselves why they’re thinking that way.
For example, if a man believes a woman has to be with him simply because he considers himself to be highly attractive and perfect, we’re likely dealing with someone delusional or narcissistic. He’s unable to perceive nuance and variation. Not every woman is the same, and not every woman will want to be with him—even if he were indeed attractive. But often, narcissists assume they are attractive and perfect, when in reality, they’re not.
Again, this is a lack of metacognition: the inability to critically evaluate one’s own self-image and thoughts.
Let’s be honest: No human being is perfect. Some people may be more aligned with what we personally find appealing, but no one is truly perfect. Those who try to appear perfect are often just masking their own flaws and imperfections. If someone suffers from low self-esteem and tries to compensate by constantly buying clothes or imitating Instagram influencers, that emptiness won’t be filled. You don’t become genuinely beautiful from the outside in—you grow it from the inside out. Highly sensitive or empathetic people can often feel when someone’s projecting fake confidence. They may pick up on it instantly, through subtle cues, energy, or tone. Empaths can feel the vibration someone gives off, regardless of the mask they wear.
Attractiveness, too, is subjective. Some people are considered attractive by many; others not so much.
Not everyone is attractive to everyone—but we also shouldn’t pretend that attractiveness is purely relative. Some women do attract more men and vice versa, and that’s a fact.
So, if someone constantly experiences sexual harassment while others don’t, she might fall into the “beautiful” category. Or—she might just have big breasts (just kidding, but also not). But seriously: if a woman goes around insisting she’s the most beautiful and every man must want her, and tries to force men to like her, she would likely be seen as a bit or very crazy. And while I mention women here, I’ve personally experienced this kind of behavior from narcissistic men—specifically two stalkers. People like this are constantly in competition over appearances. And if you’re a woman dating such a man, he might even compete with you, insisting he’s better-looking, never giving you a genuine compliment, and expecting you to chase after him as if you’re the unattractive one lucky to be with him. That’s what a lack of metacognition looks like. Some people simply can’t think critically about their own thinking or question whether it’s correct.
And honestly, if you lack metacognition, you likely won’t be able to learn it. It seems to be innate. Those who don’t have it never pause to reflect on their thoughts or question their own assumptions—even when you clearly point out that the flaw lies in how they think, not in your actions or words. And because they can’t examine their own thinking, they rarely change.
Have you ever dealt with someone who truly lacked the skill of metacognition?