articles
China Elevator Stories
Stalking and Boundaries
Stalkers tend to violate another person’s boundaries horrifically.
14/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
With an intelligent person, you will have to state a legitimate boundary only once, and they’ll respect it. Like I said: a legitimate boundary—where you have the right to set one, and it aligns with what is yours, socially and personally, with regard to your rights.
When you’re dealing with a dumb person, you’ll end up repeating that boundary 100,000 times. You’ll have to rephrase it, explain it over and over, be forced to educate them about appropriate and inappropriate behavior, privacy, and where you end and they begin. And still—they’ll ignore it. They’ll pretend you never said anything. They’ll act like you’re not allowed to have boundaries, or that you’re bad or evil for setting them. They’ll insist that they’re entitled to certain rights but you’re not. Sometimes, they’ll even claim that your rights belong to them. Then they’ll stonewall you or use all kinds of childish, manipulative tactics.
An intelligent person knows enough about social behavior—how to behave, how not to behave, what’s appropriate and what’s not. And they don’t just know these things because they were taught them growing up—they actually apply them in real life.
When a person is tired and says she’s tired, another person—if they’re decent and capable of understanding—will hear it with the correct “ear” (in terms of the Four Ears Model by Schulz von Thun): as an appeal to be left alone, to be allowed to rest or sleep, for the other person to leave the room if they’re in her room, or to go home if they’re a visitor in her home. And they will respect that.
When these needs are ignored, and the other person makes everything only about themselves, there is no mutuality. No shared understanding that the same thing is the same thing—not something different. That one person’s rights are her rights, not the other person’s. That a boundary doesn’t need to be repeated if you’re intelligent—not dumb—because it already makes sense the first time around, and you’re capable of discerning what is within your rights and what isn’t.
To the stalker who is still harassing me: Boundary crossed? Well, I don’t want to have to repeat myself on my blog—but since you’re too dumb to grasp the concept of boundaries, consent, and privacy, that’s exactly what I now have to do.
Let me repeat: Leave my life forever and never talk to me ever again. Do not appear anywhere I am, either online or offline. Don’t ever contact me—neither directly nor indirectly, neither yourself nor via third parties, including the police.
Have you ever been repeatedly harassed by a stalker?