articles
China Elevator Stories
When an Adult Man Refuses to Grow Up
Some men attempt to force women into the role of a mother in relation to them.
13/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Sometimes, solely because one is a woman, a man may attempt to impose responsibilities upon her—responsibilities she never agreed to, never wished to assume, and which were never hers to bear. What kind of men engage in this behavior? Typically, narcissists—individuals who seek to coerce women into assuming a maternal role toward them. They attempt to form an emotional dependency that mimics a parental bond, irrespective of whether an actual relationship exists or whether the woman even knows them.
When such demands are rejected, these men often exhibit extreme immaturity. They may behave childishly, throw tantrums, offload their emotional instability onto the woman, and project their unresolved narcissistic injuries onto her. (Anyone who has experienced such projection understands the psychological toxicity of being forced to internalize emotions that are not one’s own—emotions rooted not in truth but in distorted narratives.)
This forced maternal dynamic often involves men who are either the same age as the woman or younger—not individuals whom one is socially or emotionally expected to treat as dependent children. In one personal instance, I encountered a stalker whose behavior embodied this dynamic. He struck me as profoundly immature and dishonest, having lied about his year of birth—claiming to be born in 1984, when in fact he was born in 1992. This deception only came to light after he reported me to Austrian authorities in an effort to maintain a pattern of abuse and to obstruct my ability to report his stalking.
Lying about such significant personal information is indicative of severe psychological dysfunction. He fabricated his age in order to pressure me into claiming a romantic relationship with him and to coerce me into dating him—despite a complete lack of compatibility. This individual never demonstrated basic decency or respect. He was incapable of offering a genuine compliment and saw only how he had allegedly been harmed—relentlessly projecting victimhood onto me simply because I am a woman. In his view, he is perpetually wronged by women like me.
This type of man is simultaneously domineering and deeply effeminate in his demeanor. He behaves as though his sexual desire entitles him to be with me, and he perceives rejection not as a personal boundary but as an offense. When he is denied, he accuses the woman of being cold or lacking empathy. He may escalate to threats, coercion, and blackmail—all in an attempt to force her to acknowledge a fabricated romantic bond. In his mind, he deserves status and validation by associating with a woman who surpasses him in intelligence, visibility, and professional standing. This kind of ambition, rooted in entitlement and coercion, is profoundly pathological.
For clarity: I may choose to date a man who doesn’t share my nationality (though I am not specifically looking for someone outside my nationality—I simply haven’t limited my options to only Austrians). However, I would never date a brainwashed child. I seek truth-tellers because I am one myself. I cannot tolerate individuals who refuse to develop discernment and instead passively absorb others’ distorted narratives about the world, its people, women, or gender roles. That kind of intellectual and moral laziness is deeply repellent to me.
Any expression of autonomy or independent thought is met with aggressive attempts to override it. This is not occasional—it is constant.
If one articulates a desire for compatibility in a partner—someone who matches intellectually, emotionally, physically, or financially—he is incapable of grasping the concept. I would never willingly choose a man who inverts gender roles, refuses to mature into his masculine identity, and instead exploits women for financial support, as my ex-husband once did.
Having experienced a marriage in which I was valued solely for my financial contributions, I now clearly recognize what I do not want. As a mother of two, I find it egregiously selfish for any man to covet my financial resources. I am not wealthy; I have faced significant financial hardship. And yet, a man of this profile will see me purchasing essentials for my sons and interpret that as evidence that I should also support him. He may even learn that I contributed more to my ex-husband financially than he did to me—and interpret that as precedent for exploitation.
What he fails to understand is that such circumstances were unique. He is neither my ex-husband nor a relative—he is a stranger with no entitlement to me or my resources.
Men who behave this way strike me as disturbingly feminized in their expectations and profoundly unattractive in their behavior. Most women appreciate being treated with respect and generosity—especially in the early stages of courtship. If a man cannot conduct himself like a gentleman, why should any woman accept such treatment when countless others demonstrate appropriate behavior?
Such men also lack a basic understanding of gender distinction. They seek to reverse roles, expecting the woman to serve as the provider. When confronted with boundaries, they feign emotional closeness and mutual understanding—even when no relationship or intimacy exists. They portray the woman as cruel or unjust for establishing limits. This behavior constitutes financial and emotional abuse in its most extreme form.
These men will contribute nothing—expecting instead to be housed, supported, and cared for—based solely on their belief that desiring a woman entitles them to her. This is not romance. It is stalking and harassment. No rational woman would ever consent to such a dynamic.
These individuals lie about any personal information concerning them. If their manipulations fail, they resort to external authorities—reporting you to police, contacting people in your social network to sabotage your relationships, and spreading disinformation. Some people may be naive, unfamiliar with narcissistic smear campaigns, and inadvertently support the abuser. But those familiar with gaslighting, manipulation, and triangulation will immediately recognize the pattern.
He may have discovered personal information about you through stalking or other unethical means, and then claim divine intervention—“God,” “the universe,” or a supposed “soul contract”—as the reason for your connection. This is not fate. It is coercion. There is no mutuality in such a scenario—only manipulation, blackmail, and force. Anyone who has encountered religious manipulation will understand what I mean. This man was not raised with religious values and clearly does not believe in God, yet he invokes these concepts when convenient.
To me, this is immoral. I was raised with Christian values—though I am no longer affiliated with any denomination—and I consider it blasphemous to misuse spiritual language in the service of personal gain. True belief is not something one performs when useful; it is something one lives with integrity.
The psychological manipulation in such cases is severe, especially when the narcissist in question is malignant. No amount of rational objection or resistance will deter them.
He truly believes a woman must care for him unconditionally—regardless of his cruelty, misogyny, or abusive behavior. Such people claim to be good people, generous people—but their actions betray their claims. They are often so self-absorbed that it becomes impossible to ignore. They may even begin to see the woman as their property—demanding time, attention, and care while disregarding her responsibilities, including to her children.
If the woman resists this role, the narcissist intensifies his bullying. He may resort to verbal abuse, name-calling, and severe degradation. He consumes her time, violates her personal space, and disrespects her autonomy—demanding that she relinquish her rights through coercion. He will gaslight her into questioning her very right to set boundaries. He will perform helplessness—refusing to take responsibility for his own life—while insisting she is selfish for declining to serve as his mother figure.
Have you ever been coerced into playing the role of a mother to a grown man?