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How to Spot Erotomania
Erotomania is a mental disorder where a person projects onto you that you are in love with them.
10/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
When a person has erotomania, one of the major signs is that they truly believe you are in love with them, find them attractive, or want to date them—even when you don’t.
Erotomania can occur after you’ve dated a man or had sex with him, or it can occur if you haven’t done any of the above. A woman may have sex with a man for various reasons, and unfortunately, one common reason is that he is pushy and pressures her into sex before she has a chance to establish her boundaries.
The problem with erotomania is that those who suffer from it are obsessed with the belief that you’re in love with them. They are convinced, in their minds, that you desire them—even if you feel the opposite. You may be disgusted, feel zero attraction, or want nothing to do with them, yet they keep insisting you love them. They behave as if you are the one pursuing them, constantly flipping the narrative to suit their fantasy, and they often make everything about themselves.
They may be extremely self-centered. Erotomania is often coupled with narcissism, though it’s a distinct mental disorder not all narcissists have. It means the person cannot see themselves realistically. Even if you’re not doing anything to indicate interest, they project their fantasies onto you. They may twist the situation completely—rather than being respectful, kind, or romantic, they demand that you be those things toward them. Some may even expect you to chase after them for their love, as if they see themselves as being on such a high pedestal that you have to earn your place.
Some men may also exhibit what I call the “princess complex.” This is where a man believes he doesn’t have to do anything—contribute, show effort, or be a partner in any real sense. He may be overly focused on appearances or traditionally “feminine” interests, and expect to be treated like royalty. While this behavior may not seem unusual when seen in some women, it is more concerning in men who reject the responsibility of men and expect to be adored without effort.
These individuals may believe they are infallible and perfect—even when all you want is for them to leave your life forever. While you see a flawed human being who makes mistakes, they see themselves as flawless and ideal. The reality could not be further from their self-image.
They can’t tolerate criticism. If you point out their flaws, they may retaliate harshly. This especially applies to malignant narcissists. They may believe they are the most attractive man you’ll ever meet—even if you never or no longer see them that way. That could be because they’ve neglected themselves or simply overrate their looks. Some narcissists are extreme, and any attempt to reflect reality back to them—whether about their appearance or character—is met with resistance or punishment.
I’m not saying we should place too much importance on looks, or go around commenting on everyone’s appearance—we usually don’t need to do that. But if someone constantly insists that they (or someone you don’t find attractive) are extremely good-looking, beautiful, or sexy, then we are certainly allowed to express our own opinion.
Some people can be so insistent and intolerant of other perspectives that they only accept one view: that they are extremely attractive—more so than anyone else. A person with erotomania may also perceive you as less attractive than you actually are, or consider themselves to be far above you in terms of looks. In their distorted logic, this somehow entitles them to your attention or affection, and implies that you’re not allowed to reject them—even if they don’t meet your standards in terms of appearance.
In my view, there is no shortage of good-looking men. But there is a real scarcity of men capable of sustaining healthy relationships—at least in my age range, or in my experience. Men who are truly ready to commit, emotionally stable, and not struggling with serious mental health issues are rare. You may try to prove me wrong, but I’ve met too many mentally unwell men to be easily convinced otherwise.
Have you ever met a man who suffered from erotomania?