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China Elevator Stories
When You're Being Forced To Overspend
Narcissists may force you to overspend by pretending you need to spend money to be considered a worthwhile human being.
05/06/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Narcissists often sabotage other people’s goals. It can be incredibly hard to get ahead in life when there’s a narcissist involved.
Life tends to improve when we surround ourselves with positive people—or at least with those who don’t drag us into constant negativity, gossip, or pressure to talk badly about others. Their relentless judgment and interference in your personal life can become unbearable, especially if they ignore healthy boundaries and never stop nagging, criticizing, or bullying you and those around you.
When it comes to financial goals, narcissists can be just as damaging. Their jealousy and need for control might lead them to sabotage your career—perhaps even hoping you lose your job. Some go further, disrupting your work, stalking you, contacting your colleagues, or spreading lies to get you fired.
Financial abuse is common in narcissistic relationships. You may want to save money for stability—for rent, food, or emergencies—but a narcissist might pressure you to spend it on unnecessary things, fully aware that overspending will leave you broke.
They can throw massive pity parties when you don’t give in to their constant desire for material things—clothes, the latest kitchen gadgets, or expensive items nobody asked for—just to store them at home and add to the clutter.
Some narcissists act as if buying things equals happiness. But when you seek genuine joy—like spending time alone, reading, going for a walk in nature, or watching the sunset—they ruin the moment or your mood. Yet, if you go shopping after they were constantly nagging you to do so, suddenly they’ll tell you how great you are for spending money. At the end of the month, you’ll find you don’t have enough money to get through the month. According to them, that’s what’s supposed to make you happy. Clearly, this mindset is flawed.
Of course, some people enjoy shopping or view grocery trips as a fun shared activity. But compulsively shopping to fill a void, to impress others, or to feel like someone you’re not doesn’t bring true happiness. I’m not saying shopping can’t be enjoyable—but when it becomes your only hobby, it may point to a deeper issue, like shopping addiction.
I’ve encountered narcissists with severe shopping addictions. I don’t judge people struggling with addiction, but in these cases, even when the issue was pointed out, they refused to change. They behaved as if shopping were the entire point of human existence—and if someone disagreed, they acted like something was wrong with them. If someone tried to pursue more meaningful experiences, the narcissist would pressure them into shopping instead—usually so they could come along and have their own needs met. And of course, they were never truly satisfied.
Shopping can be fun, but over-shopping is something entirely different. A shopping addiction means compulsively buying things—most of them unnecessary. Buying something you thought you needed but didn’t? That’s human. But being blackmailed into spending money you don’t want to spend? That’s manipulation. That’s money wasted, with no thought for the future or real priorities.
For some narcissists, all that matters is looking rich—wearing a new outfit every day to show off their supposed affluence. Personally, I’m content not having to worry too much about my clothes. If I have enough to get by, I don’t need more. In my opinion, constantly filling up your closet is a waste of time. The focus shouldn’t be on impressing others—especially those we may never please—but on building enough self-esteem to not care so much. After all, beauty isn’t found in expensive clothes—it’s not related to the clothes you’re wearing. If you’re always chasing trends and appearances, you may never feel satisfied anyways—because no outfit will ever be enough.
Being respectful of someone’s choice to spend less is a trait I deeply appreciate. Forcing someone to overstep their financial boundaries until they have nothing left? Not so much.
Have you ever been pressured or blackmailed into spending money on things you didn’t need or want?