articles
China Elevator Stories
Yes, Other People Are Allowed to Have Boundaries
Go figure!
05/05/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
If you’re constantly responding to non-aggressive behavior with aggressive behavior—provoking other people—you shouldn’t be surprised when someone shows you the door.
At this point, there’s no excuse for claiming you do understand social behavior and norms. You don’t. You’re still in denial, whining about how well you understand them (and me—though why do I feel misunderstood 100% of the time?)
I’ve listened to you all day long describe yourself as the poor victim—how I’m not empathetic enough to make you the center of my attention, how I fail to see you as the highly sensitive person you claim to be, and how I’m supposedly extremely insensitive to you and your needs.
My question is: Is it my obligation to feel sorry for a narcissist with no conscience—someone who plays the victim and emotionally blackmails others so they’ll hand over their money, possessions, children, relationships, and decision-making power?
What’s with the constant need to be the center of attention? Just because you want that all the time, does that mean I have to give it to you? Do I really need to ask for your permission to do what I need to do, when I need to do it—without you interfering and sabotaging my goals, career, and relationships?
Is it really my obligation to give you attention when I’m a stranger being stalked by you? Would it be intelligent to believe that a person you’ve chosen should now make you the center of her life—ignoring her children, her career, her health, her own needs and goals in life? I’m sorry, but can you repeat that? A woman should put her entire life aside to spend time with you—a stalker? To talk to you instead of doing what she actually needed to do—like illustrate, prepare classes, or simply focus on her own responsibilities? To let you verbally abuse her all day long, from morning to evening, without ever giving her a moment to breathe?
That’s a bit… well, very low on the IQ scale—and especially lacking in emotional and intuitive intelligence. Not that we need to talk about intelligence again. In your case, we’d call that the Dunning-Kruger effect.
Did I have any time to rest, relax, or tend to my own needs?
Or was I forced to blog about a sick stalker just to try and get him to go away, to leave me alone, to stop smearing me to my face?
Did I get to work on the illustration I wanted to do? Get the quiet I needed? Get any real rest?
Or was I forced to orbit around your needs, your emotions, watching you throw a pity party all day long? What about other people? Do they not exist? Do their needs not matter?
Aren’t you being a bit… over-the-top dramatic (histrionic)? Why should I have to act like a man just because you’re acting like a woman?
Pushing others into aggression—because you’re being aggressive and passive-aggressive in response to calm, quiet behavior and other people having boundaries with you?
When a boundary isn’t respected for the millionth time, tell me: how is a person supposed to react other than with an unhealthy response?
If a day has 24 hours, and I’m awake for 17, how many of those hours are you talking? One? Two? No—it’s 17.
Isn’t it my right, as a grown-up, to live life in a way that suits me—not in a way that suits you? Where is the respect in all of this?
Why should I be the one giving you appreciation, respect, and constantly running after you—telling you how lovable, great, and intelligent you are?
Well—you’re not. Why should I lie? Why? There’s no reason for me to do so.
Goodbye. Take a rest. Relax. Go meditate—and leave other people alone. Let others be.
Again: stop talking about yourself, stop talking about your feelings, and then demanding the other person drop her boundaries just because you mentioned some emotion you had. Now you’re insisting she stop her healthy behavior with a toxic person—because he’s such a poor victim, so hurt by her setting a boundary with a sick stalker who harasses her?
Oh, poor little victim. I feel so sorry for you. (Can you spot the difference between a person who is playing the victim and a person who is the actual victim, who often gets portrayed as the perpetrator by the actual perpetrator?)
Anything else you’d like? Food? A place to live? Sex? Should I move out and hand over my apartment and money to you? Anything else you’d like me to give you?
You aren’t… uh… acting incredibly entitled, are you?
Have you ever been harassed by a stalker who simply WOULDN’T . LEAVE . YOU . ALONE?