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The Different Stages of Becoming a Scapegoat
Being made the scapegoat within a system follows a particular process.
27/08/2025
Ruth Silbermayr
Author
Being made a scapegoat is a social and psychological process in which one person or group is unfairly blamed for problems or conflicts. This typically unfolds in stages, and while the exact sequence can vary depending on context (family, workplace, society), the stages often include the following:
1. Identification
Definition:
Someone is singled out as “different,” “vulnerable,” or “responsible” for difficulties.
Mechanisms:
The scapegoat may have characteristics (e.g., personality traits, beliefs, ethnicity, gender) that make them an easy target.
Examples:
- In a family, a child who is sensitive, rebellious, or nonconforming may be labeled the “problem child.”
- Similarly, a person who recognizes abuse or speaks up against abusers may also be made a scapegoat. This person may have once been a beloved member of the group but is singled out and blamed, even though they are not the real problem.
- In online communities like incel groups, women are often made scapegoats. Even if someone enters your life pretending to treat women as equals, you may eventually be targeted if you are a woman. A gentle, kind person can be misrepresented and attacked simply because of their gender. Misguided generalizations about women are projected onto individuals, blaming them for actions they did not commit.
- In situations involving racism, a person may become a scapegoat because of their race, their partner’s race, or their children’s race. For example, a white woman may experience discrimination from a white man who fetishizes Black women. This can manifest as constant comparisons to Black women, portraying the white woman as inferior, flawed, or “less than.” This reflects a form of racism directed at white women. Although it is often considered taboo to discuss this kind of racism, I mention it here because I have experienced it personally from a singer.
- Even introverts can become scapegoats. Many narcissists dislike quiet people, as they crave drama and control. Someone who prefers to be calm and reserved may be unfairly singled out and criticized.
2. Assignment of Blame
Definition:
Problems or failures—often imagined—are attributed to the scapegoat. For example, a scapegoat may be blamed for cutting contact with an abuser to escape harm. People may accuse them of being unkind for not maintaining contact with someone who appeared loving. In such cases, the group downplays the severity of the abuse, especially since many abusers present themselves as caring in public while harming their victims in private. The scapegoat is blamed for having been abused, while the abuser escapes accountability. The group, motivated to preserve the abuser’s public image, turns on the victim—someone who has merely taken steps to protect themselves or escape from abuse.
It is also common for victims to be told to forgive their abuser and allow them back into their lives. In cases of narcissistic abuse, this advice can be extremely harmful, as it may result in the victim being blamed for the abuse or seen as unkind or uncaring. Since narcissists rarely stop abusing unless external circumstances prevent them, suggestions to simply forgive and reconcile can unintentionally shame the victim for standing up to their abuser or for refusing to continue the abusive cycle.
Sometimes, the victim may have even attempted to reconnect with the abuser—particularly if the abuser is a family member—and experienced firsthand that the abuse only worsened. Outsiders often assume they know better and may portray the victim as incredulous or unreliable. This behavior frequently serves to elevate the outsider’s sense of authority or superiority over the scapegoat, casting the victim as “dumb” or “weak.”
Example:
A team member might be blamed for a project failure, even if others were responsible, and may not be given the chance to speak up or correct the false narrative.
3. Social Isolation
Definition:
The scapegoat becomes increasingly isolated or excluded from the group.
Mechanisms:
Subtle exclusion, gossip, or direct criticism reinforces the idea that the scapegoat is “other” or “responsible.”
Example:
Co-workers stop inviting the person to meetings or social events, labeling them as difficult.
Another example is a family member being excluded after speaking up about the abuse she experienced. Other family members may relay her disclosures to the abuser, even after she asked them not to. Once the abuser learns that the victim has spoken out, they may plot against her, spreading lies and manipulating everyone around her to isolate her.
Abusers are often highly skilled at gathering private information about their victims, which they then use to maintain control. Narcissists, in particular, rely on exploiting others for “narcissistic supply” and struggle when their victims are no longer available for abuse. They may contact former friends, family, and acquaintances to turn them against the victim, further isolating her.
You may have once trusted that person before realizing the abuse, and may be shocked to see how consciencelessly they act in isolating you from your own support network.
4. Escalation of Punishment or Criticism
Definition:
The scapegoat experiences heightened criticism, ridicule, or punishment. Often, outsiders are drawn into the dynamic and pressured to address issues they have no legitimate role in, while people in positions of power may act against the victim alongside others or join the abuser in blaming the victim.
Mechanisms:
This can include verbal attacks, public humiliation, or unfair disciplinary actions. These actions may be carried out by an individual or through the unfair use of authority against the victim.
Psychological impact:
This stage often leads to anxiety, shame, depression, or learned helplessness. Many victims may even take their own lives at this point because they are undeservedly blamed for the actions of a reckless person and held responsible for things beyond their control.
Experiencing this kind of victimization can create deep feelings of shame, especially when others join in spreading lies and misperceptions about the victim. A kind person may be painted as cruel, evil, or damaged, and this intense humiliation can be unbearable. Suicide can become a tragic outcome, as the scapegoating is unfair, disconnected from reality, and overwhelmingly shameful over time.
In my case, I have been shamed, blamed, and scapegoated by a singer for years. The smear campaigns against me have been ongoing and relentless. As an incel, he blames me for matters that are entirely outside my responsibility. Witnessing the attempts to destroy my reputation has been shocking and horrific.
Abusers often try to “one-up” their victims, collecting so-called evidence that they can later use if the victim reports them to the authorities—for example, in cases of harassment, abuse, stalking, or rape.
5. Internalization
Definition:
The scapegoat may begin to believe they are truly at fault.
Mechanisms:
Continuous blame and negative feedback can lead to self-doubt, guilt, and lowered self-esteem. The victim is often severely gaslit by the abuser, as well as by others who join in the dynamic, even though, from a moral standpoint, these people should either protect the victim or at least stay out of the situation.
Example:
A child repeatedly told they are “the problem” might internalize the idea and start acting accordingly.
6. Maintenance
Definition:
The scapegoating cycle is reinforced over time.
Mechanisms:
Others continue to blame the scapegoat to avoid confronting broader issues or taking responsibility.
Example:
In a dysfunctional family, the scapegoat may carry this role into adulthood unless intervention occurs.
7. Possible Outcomes
Adaptation:
The scapegoat learns coping strategies or leaves the environment.
Psychological distress:
Anxiety, depression, or trauma may develop.
Transformation:
In rare cases, the scapegoat grows resilience and insight, breaking free from the cycle.
The pattern is often systemic, not just individual: it serves the group by diverting attention from structural or interpersonal problems.
The abuser’s clean public image can often be retained, allowing him to continue his abuse.
Have you ever been held responsible for the actions of another person?