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Erotomanics are known to want relationships without actually being able to lead one with another person. They often force you into a “fake relationship” with them—something they call a relationship but which, in reality, is not one at all.

They may do this because they are narcissists who simply do not want to do the real work any true relationship requires. As narcissists, their true goals may be much more harmful, such as having a secret second life behind your back, engaging in multiple affairs, excluding you from their real life, or even expecting the woman to take on the “male” role so they can take on the “female” role.

Their true goal may also be to have sex as often as they want (or on a frequent basis), depending on what kind of narcissist they are. Many narcissists believe they don’t need to ask for consent when they want to have sex—they think all they need to do is get a woman naked and then penetrate her. To any woman, this equals rape, regardless of whether she knows what is happening in the moment or not.

Manipulation and Gaslighting

Such behavior is deeply disturbing. They may constantly gaslight you into believing you have no right to refuse being raped, touched inappropriately, or coerced, claiming “this is how everyone does it.” While consent can sometimes be present without being voiced, in these cases it usually is not. These manipulators believe they are free to do whatever they wish, disregarding the real rights of their victim and the laws that clearly state that forced sex equals rape.

They may force you to do all the “relationship work” while doing none themselves, yet constantly claim you are in a relationship and that you must do the emotional labor. They may brainwash you into believing you are on a lower level than they are—either in your knowledge of relationships or your understanding of your own rights.

Often, they will push you into the role of the identified patient—making you feel as though you are the one who needs emotional or psychological healing, when in reality you are healthy enough, and they are the ones who need to do their own inner work. This reversal of roles leaves the perpetrator projecting their own flaws onto you.

True healing can only happen when the right person does the work, and the problem is addressed at its root—not where it didn’t originate, isn’t located, and cannot be healed. It’s like giving antibiotics to a healthy person instead of the one who is sick and actually needs them.

My Personal Experience with a Singer

I have been through this with a singer who still harasses and stalks me, projecting onto me that I am inferior, insisting I “play small little girlfriend” who doesn’t get a say in her own life or relationships, and pretending female choice doesn’t exist. He suffers from a superiority complex so extreme I have never seen anything like it—and no, that’s not a compliment, though he might see it as one.

He may have done nothing to build a real relationship with me, instead talking to me daily about his sexual encounters with other women, boasting about how others were “better, more beautiful, sexier, more intelligent, more competent, and more successful” than me—sometimes for hours without stopping—only to then ask me to hold hands or have sex with him. A person like this is simply immoral, lacking conscience, and clearly not working to build a true relationship. Instead, he used me for sex, my resources, or some kind of status from being associated with me—then claimed I was less valuable than he was because of the amount of sex and affairs he had had, all while assuming I was “too dumb” to know. And how could I know, if no one ever showed me proof?

I endured verbal abuse all day long, only for him to demand that I show him love, speak affectionate words, or elevate him to a level he did not deserve. I received death threats, was gaslit, and denied the right to be alone or free from his presence. If this is what you have experienced, understand that you can call it what it truly is: no relationship at all.

Signs of a Real vs. Fake Relationship

Signs of a Real Relationship:

• Consistent effort – Both partners invest time, energy, and thought
• Mutual respect – Opinions, boundaries, and needs are valued
• Healthy communication – Open discussion of feelings, issues, and needs
• Trust & reliability – Promises are kept, and you feel secure
• Shared growth – Encouragement of goals, self-improvement, and independence
• Conflict resolution – Disagreements are worked through constructively
• Consistent presence – They show up in good times and bad
• Mutual effort in intimacy – Emotional and physical connection is nurtured by both

Signs of a Fake Relationship:

• One-sided effort – You’re always chasing while they give little or nothing back
• Surface-level connection – Interactions focus on appearances, convenience, or social media
• Avoidance of serious topics – They dodge discussions about boundaries, future plans, or problems
• Inconsistency – Affection appears in bursts, often when they want something
• Hidden life – Keeping you away from friends, family, or important parts of their life
• Transactional feel – Relationship exists mainly for benefits (money, status, sex, convenience
• No real support – They disappear during hard times or avoid emotional help

• Drama or manipulation – Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional games replace honest problem-solving

A real relationship also respects your rights—privacy, equal treatment, and the freedom to make autonomous decisions free of coercion, guilt-tripping, manipulation, gaslighting, or blackmail.

Early Warning Signs

• A man not giving what other men typically give in the dating stage (e.g., not buying you a coffee)
• Poor communication or hiding behind phones/computers
• Insisting you say “I love you” prematurely
• Expecting you to carry the entire relationship effort