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Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child, especially when the criticism is exaggerated or untrue. This often happens even when the other parent has not behaved in the harmful way described.

Deliberately lying about the other parent, with the goal of destroying the child’s positive view of them.

Unnecessarily limiting contact or time between the child and the other parent, despite no valid reason for doing so.

Excluding the other parent from the child’s life in ways that violate their right to be involved in parenting decisions and daily experiences.

Withholding the child from the parent who has legal custody, including refusing to hand the child over for scheduled visitations or custodial time.

Placing the child in someone else’s care without the other parent’s consent, especially when done to prevent contact between the child and that parent. (For example, in my personal case, my ex-husband regularly sent our children to his mother’s apartment without my agreement, specifically to keep them away from me.)

Blaming the other parent for poor parenting, often without valid grounds, and in ways that undermine the child’s trust in that parent.

Refusing to share important information about the child, especially in shared custody situations where both parents are entitled to be informed (e.g. about health, education, or emotional well-being).

Failing to inform the other parent about activities involving the child that they should rightfully be made aware of. This excludes cases where sharing such information may endanger the child or the parent—such as in situations involving domestic violence, or verbal and physical abuse, where the abusive parent uses shared information as a tool of control or retaliation.

Controlling how the other parent spends time with the child, in ways that infringe on their parental rights. Examples include forbidding child-friendly outings, limiting social interactions with other children, or interfering with the child’s ability to form friendships.

Engaging in stalking or surveillance, followed by threats or coercive behavior to restrict the other parent’s access to the child. In some cases, this includes falsely accusing the other parent of inappropriate conduct based on ordinary parenting decisions—decisions that may be permitted for others (like a grandparent) but not for the targeted parent. These tactics are often used by narcissistic individuals.

Deliberately attempting to sever the relationship between a child and their mother, even when the mother retains full legal custody. In extreme cases, this involves planning to keep them permanently separated, without legal basis or justification.

Behaving as though sole custody exists when custody is, in fact, shared, and failing to respect the legal rights of the other parent.

Teaching the child that the other parent is not a legitimate family member, thereby excluding them from the family identity. This tactic can be especially pronounced in some traditional cultural contexts. For example, in certain Chinese families, the maternal side of the family may be labeled as “outsiders.” This belief is linguistically reflected in terms like 外公 (wàigōng), meaning “outside grandfather,” which refers to the maternal grandfather. In my own case, my children’s father taught them to believe I was not part of their family, even encouraging them to believe things like “你不是我们的家人” (“You are not our family,” a sentence my younger son told me), implying not only rejection but also denial of a familial relationship. This has lasting emotional consequences for children, who are made to believe their mother is unrelated to them. This kind of thinking has been taught by their father.

Forcing children to keep secrets from the other parent, such as concealing the death of a close relative or the family’s new home address.
In my case: The father forced the children to keep secrets from me, such as concealing the death of a close relative and hiding their new home address. This happened even though we had shared custody and I posed no threat to their well-being. He moved the children to a new location without informing me and instructed them not to tell me where they lived. He also placed them in the care of his mother without my consent and did not inform me when she passed away.